The Pain of Not having a Mother vs Being a Mother on Mother’s Day

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dysfunctional mother daughter relationship
Texting with my Daughter Katie

I have three amazing and wonderful children. They were all under the age of 12 when I started this specific type of emotional healing journey that I write about here in Emerging from Broken. 

I have worked at being close to my children. I decided when each of them were born that I would be intentional in the way that I did relationship with them. I was intentional about what I communicated and how I showed them love and acceptance.  My main goal in the beginning was to inspire them to be who they are in spite of living in a world full of people living a dream someone else had for them. I had a slight concept of the millions of kids (like me) who tried to “fit in” by being what they perceived others wanted and by being / doing what they thought others would “love” them for.

Mothers Day articles and dysfunctional mother daughter posts along with dysfunctional and toxic parent child relationship posts are the most popular posts that I write when it comes to the search engines like “Google”. (not so much when it comes to sharing with social networks such as Facebook) My blog posts on this subject are found in search engines hundreds of times a day. There is a lot of pain in the world around toxic mother and child relationships.  This year I became aware of some new things about motherhood; the emotions I had to face as a mother caused me to reflect even MORE deeply on the way that my own mother treated me. And it was painful.

This year my oldest daughter Katie (she is my middle child) went off to the University of Lethbridge to study Neuroscience. Although it was an exciting time for both of us, feelings of pride and love mingled with fear and insecurity. There were so many unknowns! But life ~ at least life without restrictions has a way of going forward in spite of those fears.

The University of Lethbridge is only a three hour drive away so my daughter Katie was able to come home on many of the weekends. During mid terms and finals however, she would stay at the University to study and then sometimes I didn’t see her for almost 3 weeks straight.  And I could “feel it”. I felt an absence and a longing. Sometimes my chest would ache with missing her. Sometimes I would get up and pace the room, rubbing that empty spot and marveling at how my heart actually hurt with missing my baby.

Both Katie and I were surprised at the degree and depth of the homesickness that she experienced. I was scared that she wouldn’t miss us at all actually.  Without realizing it I had braced myself for rejection. I was afraid that she wouldn’t need me anymore and that she was all grown up and independent now. Perhaps she would even rejoice in “getting away from me”. I thought university kids were supposed to be celebrating their freedom from parents and calling their parents “lame” and all that sort of thing. I realized that I had been really afraid that Katie would go off to University and never think about me again. And that fear came from the experiences that I had with my own mother.  Not because I left home at 17 and never wanted my mother again, but because my mother never wanted me. My mother didn’t pursue me, but in my mind I blamed myself for that for so long that even when it came time for my daughter to leave home deep down I believed that she would not want me anymore either.

Katie wasn’t shy about expressing her homesickness which also surprised me. She wrote status updates in facebook about it all the time. She even posted a few screen shots of our text conversations. I had feelings that I had never had before such as an unbridled excitement that perhaps I had succeeded in achieving a really loving and mutually respectful relationship with my daughter!  

Katie and I had this one conversation on text messaging during her finals in the second semester where I told that I missed her so much that my chest hurt and she said that hers did too; she told me that it felt like her heart was crying. YES ~ that was the best way to describe it.  Another time I told her that it felt like something was missing in my chest and she said “It’s me! Its me that is missing” and YES ~ Katie was exactly what was missing.  

As time progressed I became aware of other thoughts just niggling below the surface; thoughts about my own mother. I wonder why my own mother never missed me? I moved out when I was only 17 years old. I moved across the country when I was 19 years old and my strange mother never seemed to give me a second thought.  She made “keeping in touch” my responsibility. She never showed any kind of vulnerability towards me by any sincere expression of missing me or having even in having any interest in me. I saw this all in a new light when I missed Katie so much my heart ached. I had to face the pain of being rejected by my own toxic, seemingly narcissistic mother in a new way when I acknowledged how much I missed my own daughter.  The “why questions” came flooding back. How could my own mother have been so cold?

This is a very painful truth. The deepest and most painful truth that I have had to face in order to overcome depression, dissociation, post traumatic stress disorder and all my other struggles with self esteem, living fully and finding freedom and wholeness has been to face that my toxic mother didn’t care and my emotionally unavailable father was never interested in me. By their actions, they didn’t love me. This realization came in layers over the years that I have worked on setting myself free. I have to constantly remind myself that understanding the people who hurt me is not part of the solution in the way that acknowledging and healing from the damage is. 

I missed Katie and acknowledged the pain of those feelings quite a few times this past year before I allowed myself to think about that pain in relation to my own mother. The deeper realizations are still so painful that sometimes I just don’t see that new level of acknowledgement right away.

It has been painful to comprehend that my own mother did not love me; my mother doesn’t LOVE me, the way that I love my own kids.  my daughter love

BUT it is also a reason to celebrate! I love my kids and I have learned how to have relationship with them based on equal value and mutual respect! I broke the cycle of neglect and parent child dysfunction!  I don’t expect my children to fill a hole in me like my own toxic mother did. I don’t emotionally neglect them or neglect them any other way. I went a step farther in my healing and broke the belief that parents have more rights and more value than their children have. I have modeled equal value for all people in my own family and my kids want to have a relationship with me.  Not only am I free of the oppression I used to live in, but they are free to live in wholeness too.

This Mother’s Day I am celebrating BEING a mother! ~ A real mother; a functional mother, a loving mother.  I had to re-parent myself for several years in this process of healing. I had to become the mother I never had (to myself) in order to become the mother I am to my own kids. I am proud of my kids and today I am proud of myself too!

Happy Mother’s Day!  Even if this year you are only celebrating the mother that you can be to yourself, please share your thoughts.

Darlene Ouimet

The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

 

289 response to "The Pain of Not having a Mother vs Being a Mother on Mother’s Day"

  1. By: Skit Posted: 5th May 2013

    Thanks for writing this. I started crying actually.

    Though, I don’t know if my mom will miss me or not when I move out. I feel more that she may want to use me if I become successful or if I try to help her out she’ll just demand more. Though she shows that she wants updates from my older sister even if she is nosy and optioned on how to live life. But then again that relationship between my older sister and my mom is different compared to the relationship that I have with my mother.

    I don’t know what I’m going be facing soon especially since I’ll be moving out this mid May. I’ve always been the neglected middle child. But thank you, thank you for showing the good side of things. I really needed to read such.

    Lots of love and hugs
    Skit

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 6th May 2013

      Hi Skit
      Welcome to emerging from broken!
      There is hope. I found out that living fully has nothing to do with what they think or how they feel. Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  2. By: Lauralee Posted: 4th April 2013

    Wow, never thought I would be back on this site, you see I no longer have a mother since she threw me out of the family AGAIN after paying my brother’s funeral cost. I am Bipolar, and sometimes my daughter’s say things that hurt me a lot. I shut my mouth, but this time I didn’t. They posted something they thought was “funny” on their facebook and I told them it was distasteful and I didn’t like it. They said it was not for me anyways but it sure was about me. That led into a big fight, and my youngest said she was not talking to me anymore. Then my oldest daughter’s husband called me and told me I destroyed my daughter’s life and ruined her. I hung up crying hysterically, I can’t be calm and handle things like a normal person and I am not using my Bipolar as an excuse, it’s an everyday battle. I ended up driving away, my poor husband had to call the police, my daughter’s husband won’t say what he told me, he’s lying to her, I was 1/2 hour away from death when I was tracked down by police by my cell phone. I wanted to die, how could I be hated not only by my own mother but my own daughters whom I brought up all their lives on my own because their father decided to leave. Now, since March, we are still not speaking, I can’t see my gandbabies and miss them so much it hurts. This weekend is there birthday party, it’s almost like I want to put the brakes on. Being bipolar is destroying so many relationships, my doctor says I need to have patience, it takes time and lots of work which I am doing. She said you never asked to be bipolar, your daughters are old enough to understand that. But I must be this bad person for my daughter who says they are both in therapy and were told to stay away from me. I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t! Lauralee

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 4th April 2013

      Hi Laurlee
      I am sorry you re going through this difficult time. I don’t think the problem is bi-polar so much as it is the cycle of abuse that we have been raised with. My bi polar, depressions etc. went away when I dealt with the pain of my past and the situation with my mother and father, and that was when things got better with my kids too. 🙂 There is hope! Thank you for sharing.
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Jeena Posted: 13th November 2012

    Hi Darlene. Thank you for the nice article. It gives me hope. One thing i have always been afraid about is that the cliche about “repeating the cycle” will happen to me too, and I will be a terrible mother without even knowing it because that’s what I was raised with. I’m so glad that you have such a positive relationship with your daughter, and hope that one day I can have one as good as yours. I am only 23 so I won’t be having kids for a while, but one thing I have always really wanted to do (and simultaneously felt insecure about) is having a loving family of my own one day.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th November 2012

      Hi Jeena
      Welcome to emerging from broken!
      When I healed from what happened to me I was able to make the changes in the way that I reacted to and to the way that I had relationship with other people. Healing has been the best thing I ever did towards becomming a great mother! Learning about ‘equal value’ for all people made a huge difference too. Thanks for sharing!
      Hugs, Darlene

  4. By: Sybil Posted: 18th September 2012

    the enormous response from this post saddens me so much. But it gives me some strength also. Can it be that so many others have suffered as I have with the mind twisting of trying to figure out why I felt/ feel so unloved by my mother? How bittersweet: That I am not alone, and yet that so many have suffered. For myself, I want to know will I ever feel whole without my own mother’s love. I have filled myself up with the love I have for my children, especially my own daughter. But many times I am reminded, cruelly, the love that I feel, that I express daily, was absent in my life. Worse still than the sexual abuse I suffered from outsiders, was the pain of that suffering not being assuaged with love by the woman who bore me. I feel I will never, ever, reconcile that sort of disconnect in my mind.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th September 2012

      Hi Sybil
      I can only tell you my own story and for me I am more whole than I have ever been since I learned to fill the void of the absence of my mothers love. I learned to fill those missing parts for myself. I learned self love and self care. I learned how to validate myself in all the places that I had been invalidated by others. That is what this website is about.
      There are much bigger comment threads than this one. One of the mother daughter posts here is getting close to 600 comments. You are not alone! I hope you will share often.
      Hugs, Darlene

      • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 20th September 2012

        Hi Everyone!
        I have published a new post related to mother daughter dysfunction and family abuse. Today I decided to publish an abusive comment in the body of a new article. I get comments like this once in a while and today I decided to use it as an example of how and why people try to make us shut up about the past. Here is the link to “People who try to silence victims interfere with emotional healing”
        https://emergingfrombroken.com/people-who-try-to-silence-victims-interfere-with-emotional-healing/
        Looking forward to the conversation!
        Hugs, Darlene

  5. By: Jyn Posted: 23rd August 2012

    Hi, I wanted to update and say that things have been going much better between my daughter and me. She is now a college freshman and we have had many good conversations since I last posted: on personal points of view, intellectual topics, and emotional issues. I no longer feel despised, just misunderstood at times. She is no longer hateful toward me and has participated in several family events with grace and sincerity. I hope that our relationship gets even better as time passes and the awful memories of the past fade. I am pretty confident that I will have a great mother’s day next year 🙂 Thanks to Darlene and all for your support when times were so difficult! -Jyn

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 23rd August 2012

      Hi Jyn
      That is excellent! Thank you so much for the update!!!
      hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Mimi Posted: 27th June 2012

    K. Ella,
    Thanks for the birthday wishes!!

    I have a lot of things I like to do too. Things I get such satisfaction from, art forms tend to be my release. My big release and sense of accomplishment is home renovations. If it needs to be done, I am all over it. I have suffered from lack of interest in those things. I am getting back to myself finally (for the most part), and starting to enjoy those things again. It puzzled me that my passion was lost. I had things that needed to be completed in our house, and I had no passion or energy to do it. That is all returning, and what a relief. I feared I might be passionless the rest of my life. It’s been slow, like everything else, but it is returning. Seeing little progresses like this, gives me hope that it can all return and more.

    Hope for you,
    Mimi

  7. By: K. Ella Posted: 27th June 2012

    Rise-that song was very nice, thank you! I hope to return the motherly love i lacked to my future children
    I guess the issue for me is that, my mother could be extremely nice and then also be mean
    I wish she would be one or the other, Hugs to you and I pray that we can get over it, I would hate to live like this forever.

    @janie (246) I hope your days have gotten better since this last message. My bully is also a “spiritual advisor” self proclaimed, and it is very
    ridiculous to me, because she does not practice at all what she preaches, and it annoys me fully. I have decided to think of it like this.
    maybe she is helping someone with the things she says and who am I to say she shouldn’t preach to others. i just hope she
    will one day wake up and take what she preaches to heart and change.I am so sorry for that facebook issue
    you know it amazes me how the abuser can always look like the saint and we always come out bad, I remember a year ago, mine writing on facebook about
    how awful I was, and people were just pouring their heart out, and when i responded in anger, stating that no one knows the whole story
    and how she has done stuff too, lord did they keep going on about how dispresectful I was. I have decided not to contact her on facebook anymore,
    blocking her is even better, you should have the freedom to state whatever you want, You might have to block some people, or tell them to respect what you
    write, hugs

    @Dave, thank you so much. I am trying to get closer to my faith. I just don’t even know where to begin. I just wish it could happen right away
    I have to learn how to be kind to myself, I feel so confused in everything I do, especialliay after having to
    cancel my relationship until I get better, that is the biggest guilt of all. I am unsure
    if I am making a mistake or not, but I do know I can not continue this relationship while feeling less
    than a woman. I hope the med changes are working well for you. I have been thinking about trying something myself
    I think I might try an herbal remedy for a few to see how that works. Hugs and love… I read your last post. I hope your
    vacation gives you time to relax and heal from your past pain. I hate when that comes up from no where.I think you should
    let it out, cry and forgive and continue to move forward with your life. I pray things get better for you, because we can not
    stay trapped in this constant cycle of abuse. When speaking to a friend about my sexual abuse she told me” let it go, that person is not
    thinking about you, yet you have spent your whole life thinking about them” something snapped and from that day on I let it go,
    It isnt that easy with family however but I am trying to do it with each memory, much love to you!

    @mimi Your letter was so uplifting 248. I appreciate it, you give me great hope. Life has got to be better
    than I have been living it recently. When people ask what do you like to do, I have things i do like to do
    but I feel at times I can not even enjoy them. and happy belated birthday

  8. By: K. Ella Posted: 27th June 2012

    Im sorry Rise it was 243

  9. By: K. Ella Posted: 27th June 2012

    Hello RIse… I totally get what you are saying (247), you feel like what your mother has been telling you all these years, its awful. Thank you so much 🙂 I hope to one day be close to 100% so I can have a decent relationship with someone and fully love them as well as myself. I know its been a while since I have been on, there is so much to do!! I miss you all and hope everyone is doing well. I will continue to read the post I have missed in the recent weeks.

  10. By: Mimi Posted: 25th June 2012

    Darlene,
    Good to know your perception of 12 step meetings. I am trying to recall what it was like, but it was over 20 years ago that I went to an alanon. I didn’t feel comfortable, but I think it was because I was reaching out for something that couldn’t be given there. Something I don’t care for too much is the way they address the higher power. I know they have to use that generic term in order to speak to every walk of life. It just didn’t speak to me very much. Anyway, thanks for sharing your perspective of it. Something to chew on!! 🙂
    xoxo,
    Mimi

  11. By: Tamara Gill Posted: 20th June 2012

    Dave – I don’t know how to express how much your story penetrates my soul.I remember pounding on the crib rails too. I am not very clear about me but I know my younger brother was left alone with me every day until school age. I would reach through the rails and try to lift him out – He was an infant and I was a toddler. Sometimes my mom would come home for her lunch and put him out of the crib. I remember I wanted to pick him up but he was not light like my dolls. He would take off his own diaper and “wash” it in the toilet. I tried to help him get dressed again. My brother has MD and was only diagnosed as an adult after many years of struggling on his own. I know he goes through so much pain and tightness in his body; only made worse by the family trauma and denial.
    He is nearing 50 and is a brilliant scholar and musician. My parents have never acknowledged his talents and hard won accomplishments. They are still alive and able bodied and still tugging at him to help them.
    I am a believer and sometimes I think the church is full of spiritual babies and adolescents who have no understanding of loving healing. You are right – they can’t handle it. Please know I can only guess at your pain but you have my prayers….

  12. By: Dave W Posted: 20th June 2012

    All – i am dealing with significant pain/trauma the past few days. Good news is i have about 2 1/2 weeks off starting Friday. I am hoping my vacation next week is not spent mostly either crying or in bed from exhaustion from crying. the pain has been about a 8 1/2 or 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. I am remembering being left alone in a crib in a dark room and crying and crying and hitting the side of the crib over and over again trying to get someone to come. I have significant trauma from age 3 and younger. My mother had a complete nervous breakdown when i was about 2 1/2. She had her jaw wired shut for 6 months. She could not take care of me and there was no one else around except my sister who was 8 or 9 at the time. My father worked most of the time and i rarely saw him the first 5 years of my life. I felt like i was locked in a cage. I felt like i would die there in the crib. I felt like i would never get out. That no one would ever come. thats when i learned that my voice didnt matter. I cried and cried and no one came. thats when i learned that what i wanted didnt matter. Thats when i learned that i was not important and that neither was what i wanted. Thats when i learned that people will not be there for me in my time of need.

    Now i am dealing with all of the pain caused by that trauma. Its right on the surface every day when i wake up. It feels like someone is peeling back my brain – like a traumatic brain injury being peeled away. These are my earliest memories and they are all traumatic. All i can remember is laying in the crib and crying day after day after day and no one coming to take care of me. I dont know how long this went on. My sense is that it was at least several months if not longer. No one knew what was going on. We lived out in the country. I dont ever remember anyone else coming to the house. Just a few years later i began taking care of my mother because she could not take care of me or my sister or herself. And my father didnt give a damn about what happened to any of us. We were a burden to him and he made it clear he would have been much happier without us.

    My back continues to feel like its being stretched as the pain continues to be released from my back muscles. Every day i can feel it stretching more as more pain rises to the surface. Almost 50 years of carrying deep, entrenched pain that just will not subside. Thank God I have a break of about 2 1/2 weeks after tomorrow.

    I covet your prayers and support. Besides my wife and one therapist (I was seeing two but had to put the other one on hold temporarily) you are all the support i have. None of my friends can handle what i am going through and neither could the church we were in so we left. Just like Job’s friends, they have all disappeared.

    love,

    Dave

  13. By: Mimi Posted: 20th June 2012

    Janie,
    Good for you. I’ve found freedom in distance and very infrequent contact. I never had any idea what I was missing.

    I went to a few alanon meetings back in my late 20s. My dad is a very severe alcoholic. I was struggling emotionally. I never felt like I fit in there. I could never talk, just sat and took it all in. I think if it feels good, you should continue. So many dynamics come into play in group meetings. Maybe I just wasn’t in the right one. Certainly I don’t berate Alanon. I just didn’t feel compelled to continue in the meeting I attended. I have a friend who got very involved in Alanon when she left her abusive and addicted husband. She swears by it still today. In retrospect, I can say I also had issues that reached far beyond what alanon could address. It was a very tumultuous time. I needed deeper help. I think what I actually needed then, and now, is Mom-anon!! 🙂

    Good luck with your meetings and I hope you find what you’re seeking there.
    Love,
    Mimi

  14. By: Janie Posted: 20th June 2012

    Mimi,
    Yup,my mother claims she is “computer illiterate” and doesnt understand how FB works, yet, she knows every miniscule detail you post on there! My Nsister, before we stopped speaking, asked me to help me with her son’s FB site. Mom kept going on there, monitoring what he was saying, and called my sister, all alarmed, because he was friends with a “black girl”!! So,I told her how to block her from seeing his wall, his friend list, etc. She still found some ways to be intrusive, so my sister blocked her all together from his page. She doesnt seem to remember that, tho, lol. Everything is always my fault, lol.
    I put my mother and other relatives I dont want to really see my day to day stuff in my “family” group. Everything posts to my friends group, and only friends can see my wall.
    the “good mother” I refer to,is a FB friend who was posting pictures of her child, in the hospital, 5-6 times a day, showing her in bed sleeping, in a wheelchair, at therapy, in hospital garb, etc. I first thought this was a good mom, but then I’m thinking she is doing it to get attention and sympathy for herself. The first pic she posted, her older son commented, “Mom! For the love of God, take that picture down!” She just blocked his comment and kept on.
    I ended up blocking her this morning, and feel good about the decision! (she was the one who asked me to lie and give her a phony reference for a nursing job. That is the one unmarred thing in my life, my nursing liscence!!)
    Have a good Wednesday as well!!

    Janie

    P.S. Has anyone else attended Alanon,and what do you think? I liked the idea of working on ourself. Seems healthy!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 20th June 2012

      Janie
      I was in 12 step programs for 25 years including Al Anon. It held me back because of the misunderstanding of the concep of acceptance and accountability. There were some great teachings but they seemed very often to get taken out of context because of the original belief system of unworthyness. It was so easy for me to agree that I must have done something wrong to bring it all on myself. The ways that I had learned to accept the abuse was never addressed. I was too busy letting go and being accountable. So the root of the problem was never addressed. (I write about that stuff in this site. Use the search tool for the word “accountability”. ) Just my thoughts.
      Hugs, Darlene

  15. By: Mimi Posted: 20th June 2012

    Thanks so much to everyone for the fantastic Birthday wishes! It was truly a blessed day. Spent only with my husband ~ boating, enjoying God’s creation, my favorite restaurant, then relaxing at home. It was one of the best birthday’s I’ve had in years. I wondered if it would feel “empty” because of lack of contact with my family. It was just the opposite. It was FREE!!! I really enjoyed the day!!

    Janie,
    My mother said about a year ago that she had to quit going on facebook because it was just “too painful”. I didn’t really take her word for it. I figured it was a ploy for attention and she would be spending time there “behind the scenes”. Just to ensure she was telling the truth, I deleted her as a friend, then blocked her entirely. This was also a safe way to keep her out of my business. She never said a word to me about deleting and blocking her. It turned out for the best. If she was lying, she still doesn’t get to see my page. If she was telling the truth, she would never be wise to what I did. I’m thrilled she doesn’t see my stuff!!

    One thing I’ve learned for certain in the last year ~ I don’t want to know her business, and I sure don’t want her to know mine!! Today, I feel NO guilt or shame for that!

    At one point in the last 8 months she said she missed me and wanted to know what was going on in my life. I know now that her curiosity served only to give her information which she could somehow try to “outdo” me, talk about me, brag about what a good mother she’s been, or cry about what a horrible daughter I am.

    If I give her good news, she breaks her neck trying to outdo it. If it’s bad news, she uses it against me, or for her own gain, or both. I am really stumped by my own mother competing with me. It’s become more obvious as the years have passed. She can’t slice me down to nothing anymore because I’m married, and not under her roof. So, in her hatred and envy of my success, she has gone a different route. In desperation, still trying to put me down, she simply tries to outdo everything I do. It’s usually about money. I should write a book entitled, “Keeping Up With Mimi”!! Sad!!

    Thanks for listening and hope everyone has a fabulous Wednesday!!
    Love and Peace,
    Mimi

  16. By: Janie Posted: 20th June 2012

    Wow, just remembering, last week the GM had asked me to falsify a job reference for her, as a nurse! I could not believe it, I have not seen her since HS, never worked with her, we just know each other through FB. She has no relationship with any of the people she used to work with. How could I have blocked that out, let that go? I guess I am just a rotten judge of character……………..dang
    (of course I didnt do it!)

  17. By: Janie Posted: 20th June 2012

    Interesting turn of events. The “good mother”, has blocked ME on FB from seeing her posts in my feed. I can still see them on her page. I sent her a message yesterday, telling her I had gone to an Alanon meeting and how much I liked it. (she attends as well). Response: that’s nice…well, I’m with my daughter, i will talk to you later.(she would always talk, no matter what was going on) Then she blocked her communication from my feed. When I think about it, it is probably not normal to post photos of your teen daughter, 5-6 times a day, in her hospital garb, in less than flattering positions, going through rehab, sleeping, in a wheelchair. I think she is doing it for attention. Making herself the center of all of this, not her daughter, but the “Love” of her daughter. It’s all beginning to sound hauntingly familiar.
    I think I am just have to remov her as a friend, or block her.
    And what was she doing, going through my feed and seeing where and what I had posted on, anyway? Wasnt she busy enough, caring for her child?
    Sigh………..

  18. By: Dave W Posted: 18th June 2012

    Mimi – happy birthday !!! Hope it was a great day !

    Janie – sorry you had such a rough time with that teacher & with the whole facebook thing. the controversial post that darlene mentioned is something i got into a very heated arguement with a friend over (male friend – ex military) who totally loved the guy shooting his daughters laptop and saw nothing wrong with it at all. I told him he was way off base and that using a gun is no way to send a message to anyone unless you are trying to scare the living daylights out of them because i cant imagine anything positive ever coming from someone using a gun to make a point. we went back and forth in room full of friends for about 10 minutes and he would not back down (he is never wrong) so i let it go. I was fuming mad. Our society is so screwed up that people cant even recognize abuse when its right in front of them ! How sad is that ? People dont want to admit that they were abused or that their family did stuff wrong because then they might have to change or do something different. Or acknowledge the abuse. Their is a hierarchy of controllers and manipulators and they are everywhere. I just discovered another one who sneaked into my life and tried to weezel his way into doing work for us. I recognized it and called him on it and he has not replied to me at all. I avoid these type of people at all costs now and can recognize them usually pretty quickly. They are wolves dressed like sheep. they look like sheep and may sound like sheep but they are wolves inside. they will rip you apart if given the chance. No more for me and my wife.

    Darlene – I love you and love your sense of humor. We share that in common. the stuff you laugh at, i also find funny and i love it when you make comments like “what the hell does that mean” ? i can totally hear you saying that :).

    love to all of you. I pray for all of you just about every day. thanks so much for all your love and prayer and support ! You are the best !!!

    love,

    Dave

  19. By: SMD Posted: 18th June 2012

    Hi Mimi,
    Happy Birthday!…Hope you are having a good time & relaxing with your hubby! I can relate to your feelings about getting a gift from your mother & questioning whether she loved or loves you. I’ve come to realize my parents are not capable of love by the true definition, which is suppose to be mutual & loving. It’s sad how they will do the so-called right things like throw money at us, but forget to be there when we really need them to be. I’ve had too many times where I was overlooked & rejected, because of their needs. I believe they can feel obligated with strings attached, but I don’t have to feel obligated, depend or expect anything from them. The difference I’m coming to terms with is dysfunctional is denial & pathological is lack of empathy. I have empathy but I sure question whether they really do! Just some food for thought.
    Have a Wonderful Day Mimi!
    Sonia

  20. By: Mimi Posted: 18th June 2012

    Janie,
    I’m sorry that happened on Facebook. Seems like there are always loopholes there. It scares me to share anything like what I share here. I’ve kept it separate because it seems people do want to turn their heads, or make comments like the ones you mention. That is hurtful to hear. Silence is hurtful too. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience of basic rejection. It is disgusting that people who should love or support us, do the opposite.

    I hope you have a great day despite the comments.
    With hope,
    Mimi

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