When my son T.J. was a little guy, between the ages of 3 and 6 he was a big fan of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks Hockey Team. Jim, (my husband) always teased him that the Mighty Ducks played hockey with crutches and canes. His Daddy told him that they didn’t even have a real goalie; that Granny Smith played in net. It was a big joke in our family. T.J. would wear his Mighty Ducks jacket and his Mighty ducks jersey and everyone would ask him if he was a fan and he would tell that the Mighty Ducks were the BEST ever hockey team! And Jimmy would tease him and say “NO WAY… the mighty ducks play with crutches and canes, they can’t really compete with any other hockey team”….. and so it went for a few years.
As you can imagine T.J. was really excited when Daddy finally took him to his first real hockey game to see the Mighty Ducks play against Jim’s favorite team, the Calgary Flames.
But when the two hockey teams skated out onto the ice, his excitement truned to confusion. T.J. was really shocked and in all seriousness said to his father “Dad…. They don’t play hockey with crutches and canes.. they have hockey sticks.” And still very serious he commented “Dad.. there isn’t an old granny in the net. They have a goalie. “
TJ had already begun to play hockey himself and really loved the game. He had even begun to understand the game. No one in our family thought that Jim telling TJ those stories was anything but teasing. Neither Jim nor I ever once suspected that TJ didn’t know that it was teasing but that he believed that Jim was telling the truth. And he was shocked AND confused to realize that it was not the truth. He had been told over and over for years that the Mighty Ducks played hockey with crutches and canes and that their only goalie was “Granny Smith”. That had become “the truth” to him.
And if you think about it ~ WHY wouldn’t TJ believe his father? He had no reason to doubt him.
Perhaps you have been reading my blog and trying to sort some of the belief system stuff out in your own life. Perhaps you have discovered some of the foundations where the lies were born and you can’t seem to change the way you still believe them. People tell me all the time that that “everyone can’t be wrong about them”. And I say why not?
A belief system comes from somewhere. It is built through stories, experience, events trauma, joy, punishment; it is made up of everything true, false, good and bad. It becomes part of you. It IS your reality. The best way that I know to explain how I recovered from all this stuff is to look at how I came to accept the lies and how they just naturally settled in my mind and became the truth. A false truth.
Here is another illustration. Say you had lived your whole life in a secluded or segregated society that taught you that the color blue was called red, and when you are 35 years old you find out that the rest of the world believes Blue is called Blue… it would be very hard to accept and believe that blue is really not called red. At first you would argue that the Blue they believe in is really called Red. You wouldn’t believe that this new society is right. How can they be? You might fight them and then fight yourself. You would call up your original society to see if they ever heard about it. They might get angry at you for doubting them. Maybe you would get the feeling that they HAD heard about it and hidden it from you. Maybe they refuse to explain the reasons behind why they call Blue, Red. Maybe they wouldn’t listen to you at all.
If you did come around to believing that this new way of seeing Blue was in fact right, you might have to change the word Red to Blue in your head for years while you are trying to rewire that the society you came from was wrong. Changing a belief system is hard when it is established from such a young age.
Finally you realize that you have believed your whole life the false truth that Blue is Red. You are sure of it now. You have renewed strength to go back to prove it to the people who always told you that the opposite was true. They deserve to know the truth!
When they resist you, mock you, ignore you, laugh at you and tell the rest of the community that you have always been a little crazy and this just proves the point, once again, you may doubt that your new truth is actually the truth after all. (see **Note)
A belief system is very hard to change. The wires are all wired in the wrong way and there are a lot of them. But with some effort and determination, I completely re-wired my belief system and found the roots of that false truth and was able to achieve emotional healing. There is plenty of hope!
**Note; you may mistakenly think that unless “they” believe you, that you must be wrong. I personally had a huge problem with this; I honestly thought that unless they believed me AND thereby VALIDATED me as being right, I wasn’t right. So, I was wrong and worse than just being wrong, I was USED to being wrong. That was part of my belief system too! Darlene
Related posts ~ False Normal Systems about Love and Self Love
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