Introducing The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

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Emerging from Broken The beginning of hope
“This warm, wonderful book shows you how to put the past behind and become a happy, inspired and joyful person.”~Brian Tracy – Author, Kiss That Frog

 I am excited to announce that my first e-book ~ “Emerging from Broken ~ The beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” ~ is finally ready! The original articles from my early work have been edited, cleaned up and some cases, re-written and I have re-ordered them for better flow and readability. The e-book is 197 full pages, printable and live linked to the associated website articles~ and it’s a steal of a deal for only $9.97

It’s been well over 2 years since I first got the idea to reorganize, edit and compile some of my key blog posts into e-books after receiving thousands of emails and comments through the blog and questions on the Emerging from Broken-Facebook page from people asking where to start reading and how to navigate through the EFB website. Thousands and thousands of people want to know “where to start” this healing process.

I share the “Where” and “How” answers in the ‘Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing’ collection of my writing. The way that I write shines a light on a path that I have travelled. The answers that I have found are available for you to find in your own way, in your own life and in your own time and thousands of people report that this light I am shining has lit up a path for them as well.

If you are anything like me, I thought I was alone in the way that I felt and the way that I experienced life.  I even thought that I might be a little “crazy”. I thought that it was me and that it was my fault and since I had been “told” through the actions and inactions of the people in my life that it ‘was me’, I believed it. But it wasn’t me. Their actions were not about me but I couldn’t see it. I just kept trying harder and I explain why in the book. Understanding the ‘why’ about me went miles towards overcoming the damage.

Majority doesn’t rule when it comes to the way that people define people and just because everyone says it’s you, doesn’t mean it is you. Emerging from Broken is kind of like overcoming brainwashing. I wasn’t born with low self-esteem and through looking at the ways that it got damaged I was able recover it. I found out that it wasn’t so much about what was wrong with me, as it was about what was what was communicated to me about me.

This e-book is available for download on your computer or laptop. There are versions for Kindle and iPad as well as other e-readers. Your choice! (All of these options will be available to you when you get the book!) AND if you like to write in the margins, print a copy for yourself!

AND I have included a special feature in this e-book;

Since unity and community has been a big part of the healing experience for so many and since each blog post on the Emerging from Broken website has a discussion associated with it, I have kept the original titles so that if the reader of “The beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” has a particular interest in a particular title within the book they can go to the original post and read the comments and get further insight. I have personally participated in these discussions, answered questions from commenters and there is a wealth of healing information in those discussions! Depending on which version you download, the titles are LIVE LINKED ~ which means that when you click on them, they take you straight to the conversation on the article itself.

If you are not familiar with my work or are new to my website, read some of what people are saying ~ When I asked my readers to send me endorsements and feedback about my work on Emerging from Broken I was overwhelmed with almost 200 endorsements and thank you notes. If you would like to read what people are saying about EFB many of these endorsements are right here in the website on the blog post ~ “Emerging from Broken Book News and my Birthday wish”  These endorsements are priceless, heartfelt and are sure to give you an idea about the value of the book itself.

Self-Help Movie Producer Robin Jay (remember I am co-staring in her next movie ~ the Secrets of the Keys!)endorsed my new book and she also encouraged me to send the manuscript to personal development and success expert Brian Tracy; I was really excited when I heard back from him! Brian Tracy is a New York Times bestselling author and he sent me an endorsement quote for the cover!

In order to cut down on expenses there isn’t a hard copy version at this time but ‘The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing’ is available for download as a pdf that you can read on your computer and print out exactly like the free “Guide to Getting Unstuck” that thousands of people have downloaded, read on their computers and it is also available in other e-reader formats.

Make sure that you register when you buy ~ your payment will bring up the registration page which is the page before the download page.

I am looking forward to your feedback! (The early feedback is really awesome so far!) I thank you in advance for your support! The book is available through the book button at the top of the right side bar here in Emerging from Broken.

Exposing Truth, in a great big chunk this time;

Darlene Ouimet

62 response to "Introducing The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing"

  1. By: Kaycee Posted: 12th August

    I wanted to take a moment to say how ground breaking this book is right now. I am watching the coverage on the tragic loss of Robin Williams, I have heard a couple of his friends try to bring up his childhood only to have their comments quickly glossed over and redirected by the commentator. Looking through the articles online throughout the years, there is little written about his childhood.

    But there are a few interviews, buried underneath all of the sensational stuff over the years. He described his Father as being “scary.” His Mom, he said was very busy and he spent a great deal of time with a nanny. He said he was lonely and summed up his childhood as “looking for love.”

    One of his friends attempted today to speak of Robin’s Mother’s depression and how Robin tried to get her to love him by making her laugh. The news host abruptly dismissed the comments only later to look into the camera and wonder “What were his demons?”

    Many of us who have been stunted and fallen so far short of our potential because of our low self esteem often look back in regret. We feel we have lost so much. Yet here was a man who achieved greatness but in the end, all the accomplishments in the world were not enough.

    This work that we do, it is the most important work in the world. To learn the roots of our pain, to identify the false messages we received as children and rip them out by their roots and grow something worthy of ourselves in their place. That is what is most important and so neglected in psychology today.

    Nothing, no amount of achievement, no amount of love or adoration from others, no amount of money, fame, fortune, success or good works will ever compensate for a lack of self love.

    I can’t help but think the field of therapeutic psychology and addiction treatment has gone very far astray, that they have missed the most crucial element needed for healing.

    I wonder often if part of the reluctance to look at childhood trauma is the fact that all of us know we are not perfect parents, that we have made mistakes. I think this brings up great fear for people. I don’t think it needs to be so hard though. When I make a mistake as a parent, I say so, I apologize, my child’s sense of self and self worth remains intact. It’s not that hard to do and kid’s get it, that we aren’t perfect but that we love them and see them for who they really are.

    I once read a commentary on how Virginia Wolf was locked into Freud’s theory because that was what was available to her during her time and how that was all she had and she did her best to heal within those constraints. But Freud’s theories were flawed and inadequate.

    I hope beyond hope that Darlene’s message gets out there and reaches the people so struggling to heal but can’t find that key, that missing piece of the puzzle. It is so essential that we give people permission to go back and focus on healing those old wounds, allowing people to put a critical eye on the messages they received from their parents so that real haling can take place. So that people can know their own worth.

  2. By: Amber Posted: 12th August

    Alice, yes that is a BIG truth leak and one that I faced myself. It seemed that my only purpose was what I could do for my mother. Infact she loved to heap work upon me and then just watch the show. She was an expert at making it as difficult as possible for me. In adulthood when I struggled raising a special needs child, she would never come in to visit to help me out. But as she aged she demanded that I fly out to her to take her to doctor appointments that an aide at her assisted living place could have taken her to. I think she got off from having things as inconvenient for me as possible. It must have given her some sick sense of importance. Wasn’t she surprised when I put my foot down and said NO!

    I too am sorting out the definitions of me that didn’t come from me. Some of them are: Ugly, wimp, awkward, clumsy, stupid, lazy, fat, family slave, uptight, servant, inferior girl and the list goes on and on. Yet people who really care about me don’t see me that way. And I am working on undoing seeing myself by their nasty cruel definitions.

  3. By: Amber Posted: 12th August

    Darlene, (message 23), mixed messages! absolutely and in several different ways! First, in that we were squished in expressing our feelings and standing up for ourselves at home when we got far worse bullying than from those kids. And also, a very mixed message about choosing to run away when we felt unsafe. I would say we showed better judgement than my mother in leaving an unsafe situation.

  4. By: Alice Posted: 12th August

    I’m really looking forward to that one Darlene! I find myself frequently upset when I hear or read things about “finding your purpose in life” or “having purpose”. All the things I was good at and interested in as a kid were deemed unsuitable to pursue “seriously” and my family actively squashed my desires to follow through with creative studies in favor of just about anything else.

    The end result has been that I’ve felt aimless for pretty much my whole life.
    And you’re right Darlene, my value to my mother was not about who I was but what I could do for other people. It was mostly caretaking, service stuff and emotional support. And if I wasn’t doing that then I had better be a huge financial/business success instead. Needless to say I am neither of these things and sometimes I feel bad that I haven’t “succeeded” in them. But EFB has helped me to understand that these definitions did not come from within me.

  5. By: DarleneOuimet Posted: 12th August

    Alice
    Isn’t that a truth leak!! as in her statement “what’s the use of having a daughter in X city”… It is such an invalidating statement about your purpose in her life! It’s like saying “what’s the point of having a daughter if she isn’t serving my purpose”… which is exactly what my mothers actions said. (I am writing a new post about this right now. I hope to publish it tomorrow!)
    hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Alice Posted: 12th August

    Darlene, yes! I don’t remember hearing that “it’s for your own good” thing because my family, mother especially was concerned about my doing things for everyone else. It was supposed to teach me about not being “selfish” (accordingly to them) but what is one to say when your mother uses you to show what a good mother she is because she has this polite kid that offers everyone a smile and goes out of her way to be useful to them?
    When I was an adult and living in another city- one people liked to visit as tourists, my mother would tell me that she had let her friends and their kids and other random people I didn’t know that they could come stay at my place.
    When I objected she said “Well what’s the use of having a daughter in Xcity then?” It was about making herself look good at my (literal this time) expense. So you can see how much she considered she owned me, right down to offering my house (that I had bought!) to people for their vacation.

  7. By: DarleneOuimet Posted: 12th August

    I just read the running away from the bullies comment from Amber (it was posted while I was writing my last comment and I completely missed it)
    Amber this is such a great example of what goes on! The mixed messages that we get in this type of upbringing are VERY difficult to sort out! But looking at them we have a chance to see that they WERE mixed messages. I had this “NO WONDER I am mixed up” sort of ah ha moment when I saw this clearly for myself.

    Alice ~ you said it all in your sentence “So it’s fine to be seen to be doing the right thing but not having to do it for your own kid.” – It’s all about them and how they are seen and usually has little to do with what is “BEST” (you know how I always say that love is the definition of best) for the child. (or best for the one loved… hummm)
    hugs, Darlene

  8. By: Alice Posted: 12th August

    Amber, wow, even more crazy! I recall a particular incident where I had been nasty to a friend of mine and her parents brought it my parents’ attention and I was punished. I think they did the right thing. When I was being phone harrassed by kids at school and I told my parents. Nothing. F*cking nothing. So it’s fine to be seen to be doing the right thing but not having to do it for your own kid.

  9. By: Amber Posted: 11th August

    Alice, so is critical thinking a skill we are not supposed to have? Or are we just not supposed to have it as a child because it’s considered disrespectful but then we are magically supposed to have it at adulthood without feign taught it? Wow! This illogical thinking of our parents is astounding! Here’s one for you. We are never taught to stand up for ourselves at home because that was disrespectful. One day when I was four and my brother was five we were playing outside on our block. Two neighborhood boys came over to us and started bullying us. They were a little older than us. So my brother and I ran home. My mother yelled at us and told us we were cowards. She also called our Grandparents and told them not to come to visit that day because we were being punished for running away from those bullies. First of all, running away from kids that were bigger than us was probably the smart thing to do because they really could have hurt us. And second, at home we were taught absolutely NO skills for standing up for ourselves, and infact that was completely squished at home. But we were supposed to know how to do it with kids that were bigger, older and stronger than us. Sigh.

  10. By: Alice Posted: 11th August

    Amber, well that one takes the biscuit. Another of my family members was really upset with me that I didn’t display proper “critical thinking” or have great business abilities. Like WHERE would I have gotten that from? Certainly she never taught me any of that stuff. Irony was that actual critical thinking was punished as being “disrespectful”. Sigh.

  11. By: Amber Posted: 10th August

    Alice, I think it is very common that parents just expect kids to know things ( out of nowhere!!). One example that comes to mind was when I was a young girl and we went away overnight for the first time. We were sitting in a fairly nice restaurant for dinner and I had roast beef. I cut it up all at once and my mother yelled at me for not cutting it one piece at a time. I think she may have slapped me too. I remember being stunned and just staring at her not understanding what was wrong. If cutting meat one piece at a time and then eating each piece before cutting the next was so important, why was this the first time she brought it up? She never taught us this at home. Was she embarrassed that I had atrocious manners out in public? Who knows, but if she didn’t teach this to me how in the world was I supposed to know some obscure rule about meat cutting?? This wasn’t the only time this happened, but because she humiliated me in public for something I never heard of before, it really stands out in my mind. Like you said, Alice, they just expected us to know things out of the blue. I guess you and I were both supposed to be fully formed and operational aliens! Shaking my head.

  12. By: Alice Posted: 10th August

    Amber and Kaycee, it is something, isn’t it? I can remember 2,3,4 maybe, what I would call “big” mistakes that I made and that I was pretty severely punished for by my parents/family. But looking back at them, what were those mistakes really? I think one out of the 4 was borne of a more or less malicious intent but even that one was about trying to please someone else.
    I remember being told that I “should just know” what was right or wrong. And I remember saying in my defense “I didn’t think that such and such would happen” and getting a slap upside the head with an accompanying “No, you didn’t THINK at all, did you Alice?”
    I was supposed to “just know” things. Whether or not I had actually been told or shown any of the things I was supposed to “just know”. It was almost as if they had expected me to arrive on the planet fully formed and operational, like some kind of alien. In fact that’s exactly how I felt, like I was supposed to understand things but didn’t. So I gave a lot of time over to observing things. To trying to understand.
    Looking back at it, it was just neglect. My mother/family couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to teach me things. But it is weird that they still expected me to know things. How could I know if no-one taught me? I can’t really get my head around that one.

  13. By: Amber Posted: 10th August

    Kaycee and Alice I am very interested in this discussion you two are having on childhood mistakes. That’s because I went through the same thing. Children are born a blank slate. They are not born knowing what is right and wrong or how to do things correctly. And it takes many years of development to learn skills in all areas of life including social skills. And…..it’s up to parents to teach these things, and to teach them in a kind and considerate way. It’s amazing that we, as the children with the blank slates were held to higher standards than our parents held themselves, yet they were the alleged grown ups who should have already developed in all these areas. It was okay for them to be far from perfect, but not us. My father would get angry if I missed one word on a fifty word spelling test. And he’d run upstairs and yell at me if I played one wrong note on the piano. It sucked the joy out of life. Yet when I found an old report card of his where his grades were not as good as mine, he got angry at me for snooping. Children are in the process of learning about life. Why are they not allowed to stumble a little during their learning and why can’t their errors be handled with love?
    I was a nervous wreck growing up and beyond, always trying to be perfect. Always under pressure to meet an impossible standard. It’s no wonder I always felt ” less than”.

  14. By: Kaycee Posted: 10th August

    Isn’t it just so frustrating Alice? I mean, yeah, we were kids, we made mistakes. Even as adults we make mistakes. It’s like our mistakes carry this huge weight and burden. They use them to prove their beliefs and support their cause in an extremely judgmental way.

    But their own mistakes are feathers in the wind. Our value isn’t high enough, we are held to a different standard. And yes, reading Darlene’s book gave me an ah ha moment about this because I always felt deep inside they were right about me because some of the stuff they still tell stories about I actually did do. But what it has always been about is me not being equal.

    And then, thee is the fact that I am not allowed to talk about this, I am not allowed to challenge it, I am not allowed to be equal. I never needed the massive martyrdom and the interventions that they used to put themselves on a pedestal. Those things they credit themselves with rescuing me from (from myself) did huge damage to my self worth and stunted my growth so badly. They kept me from experiencing anything close to a normal childhood.

    I’m supposed to look at all the good things, but they never act like I might be of value and have something to contribute. I am merely tolerated out of the goodness of their hearts. It is a demeaning relationship. Yet they will not even consider looking at what I have to say about this, they will not consider the possibility that I am right when I confront them. To them it is just me causing problems again, me being troubled.

    There is huge grief in this, so much to process, so many big pills to swallow. Being wounded by your own family in this way is devastating. And yet, I know from this little place of light inside that I am the lucky one because I can see the dysfunction and heal. They lack the honesty and the ability for the kind of introspection. I’m starting to really feel like it is their loss because I am actually pretty awesome if I do say so myself! I’m a far better person and I have more strength and ability then I was ever permitted to have as part of my family.

  15. By: Alice Posted: 10th August

    Kaycee, this is EXACTLY how I feel. My family did the same with my errors but at the same time told me that they “weren’t perfect” whenever I brought up how they had hurt me. Darlene goes into some good details about how abusers will hold their victims to standards and defnitions that they themselves do not meet towards towards the victim.

    My mother also told me that I had brought my difficulties upon myself or that I had “chosen” to see things the way I did when it came to considering her mistreatment.

    I have just finished my first reading of Darlene’s book and I am going to go straight back to the beginning and start again.

    Darlene, your book is like fresh water to me. Thank you for writing it.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th August

      Alice, Kaycee and Amber
      Alice ~ your ‘fresh water’ compliment really made me smile! That is exactly what I had in mind… when I started speaking in seminars I knew that I had something ‘fresh’ ~ A new way of looking at things and I wanted to pass that on. It is especially important for me to hear the feedback from all of you here because THIS book isn’t the one I am excited about! My friend and editor Carla, who has known me for years and has read every blog post that I ever wrote for at least the first 2 or 3 years of EFB convinced me to do this one when I doubted it ~ which was last year when the body of the book was actually done! A whole year ago… and I thought it was kind of “weak” so I wasn’t sure about going the distance to publish it.. So thank you all for the validation! Love this discussion too!

      I am over half way through completing the next book! This second book has all the what I consider to be ‘the deep stuff, the real meat stuff’ and I tried to keep the first book fairly ‘foundational’ sort of as a primer for this ‘fresh water’… I am thrilled about the feedback! The emails are pouring in too from other readers and everyone is really happy with what I have published so well… WOW! You have all given me the courage and validation to go forward!

      hugs, Darlene

  16. By: Kaycee Posted: 10th August

    (((HUGS))) Darlene.

    One thing I have struggled with is I did at times disobey, I did pretend to be sick once or twice to get out of school, and I did make mistakes as a child. Because of this,I have not ever quite been able to feel deep inside that I was not the cause of my family demoting me to ‘less than.”

    Reading your book has helped me put this in perspective. It wasn’t possible for me to be a perfect child. My family took every normal trip and fall of of my childhood, blew it out proportion. They made a caricature out of me.

    In doing this they were able to diminish their own trips and falls, while exaggerating mine. They were shameless in pointing the finger at the distorted picture they painted of me whenever anything when wrong.

    I am finally getting that I wasn’t a bad child, nor am I a bad person, that I wasn’t born flawed with something wrong with me. I am starting to understand how horrible it was for them to so distort the normal, developmental learning and testing that all children experience. I am realizing how damaging it was to my self worth to be denied a safe , nurturing environment to learn and grow in.

    I used to turn my record albums over and my books with pictures of the authors. I couldn’t stand having posters of my idols hanging in my room. I felt like the people in those photos were watching me. I was being watched, constantly for the smallest infraction. I am hyper self aware to this day, so afraid of taking one misstep, so afraid of being publicly shamed, humiliated and exposed for being such a clumsy, dumb ox.

    Today I am going out to a fair and I am going to work with the idea that nobody is watching me waiting for me to screw up just to see how it feels to move around with that kind of freedom.

  17. By: Amber Posted: 10th August

    Darlene, I will definitely let you know how I like it. I ‘m going to take time reading it so I can absorb everything. I suspect that I’m going to love it!

  18. By: Amber Posted: 9th August

    I just gave myself a birthday gift! I ordered your Ebook!! ( Darlene, I ordered it under my other email address so you may not recognize it as coming from me, but it is!) I am so much looking forward to reading this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart writing this and everything else you do.

  19. By: Kaycee Posted: 8th August

    Well, I bought the kindle version and here is my book review. “Emerging From Broken, the Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” is a gem of a little book that belongs among the giants. First,this book should be required reading for every practicing therapist out there and a mandatory study guide for all college students getting degrees in any type of guidance and counseling.

    For all of us who have spent years, even decades in counseling but eventually labelled ourselves therapeutic failures, this book holds the key as to why. The pieces of the puzzle that have been hidden for so long can be found inside these pages.

    Unlike so many other books on healing from traumatic childhoods, this book is written right from the trenches. It is the most brave, honest self-help book I have ever read. It is both direct and easy to follow. There are no difficult sets of instructions or assignments to follow. It is a book of epiphanies and “ah ha” moments.

    This is a book about inquiry, about examining the core beliefs we have brought with us from our childhoods into adulthood. We know from recent research that affirmations and positivity do not work and can actually backfire on people with low self esteem. Darlene doesn’t ask us to put on a happy face or chant “I love myself unconditionally” a thousand times a day. She asks us to look at what we really believe about ourselves and why. Prepare to be stunned, prepare to see the blinders come off and the weight to be lifted. This is where the process of healing can actually begin.

    As simplistic as this sounds, don’t be fooled, this is really deep stuff. This kind of introspection requires diligence, patience and a willingness to be open and vulnerable. I have not completed the book yet. I am still processing all of the revelations that are coming rapidly right now. When Darlene shares her thoughts, feelings and her beliefs about herself they are so familiar, even though our experiences are different. I can personally relate to every story that Darlene has shared. She speaks our language, she has been there. This book will have universal appeal to all who struggling to heal.

    I give this book 5 stars! I am certain it is going to be a catalyst, a touchstone and a most valuable resource on the path to healing and becoming whole. Thank you Darlene!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 9th August

      Kaycee!
      This book review made my whole week! I felt like I was reading a newspaper review! I read it out loud to my family and we all celebrated!
      Thank you so much for expressing your thoughts about how this book is impacting you. I especially love the part about ‘required reading and a mandatory study guide’.. Maybe I should send it to some universities with your quote on the cover page!! I have always wanted to speak in universities to psychology students. 🙂
      Thanks so much!
      hugs, Darlene

      Hi Amber!
      YAY! That’s awesome. Let me know how you like it!
      hugs, Darlene

      I am getting a lot of private email about the book and so far the feedback is amazing!
      Thanks everyone.
      hugs, Darlene

  20. By: Pam Posted: 7th August

    Hi Darlene, I’m happy for your success! I know your book will help many broken people become whole again!
    Love,
    Pam

  21. By: DarleneOuimet Posted: 6th August

    Hi Christina!

    Thanks! I saw the recommendation for my book on your website (“Overcoming Sexual Abuse”) and it looks so great, and professional!

    Seeing it there, I think the fact that I have a published book sunk in a little more! I appreciate it so much! And I appreciate YOU so much too!

    Hugs, Darlene

  22. By: Christina Enevoldsen Posted: 6th August

    Darlene,
    This is AWESOME!!! What a gift it is to have something like this to share! I can’t count how many times I’ve recommended your website to friends who have needed this kind of insight, hope and encouragement. It’s wonderful to be able to point them to your book now. Of course, I’ve benefited from your work too and I’m so appreciative of the gifts that you share with me and with the world.
    Love and hugs and a high five with a cherry on top!
    Christina

  23. By: DarleneOuimet Posted: 6th August

    Hi Alice

    Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it so much. 🙂
    Hugs, Darlene

  24. By: Alice Posted: 5th August

    Darlene, I’m part of the way through your e-book and I am very much enjoying it. Although maybe that is not the right word. No, I am finding similarities in our respective experiences in so many chapters. Sometimes I have to take a breath and put it down because I recognized yet another thing that happened to me too. I also find the way you offer your point of view and how you did it/are doing it refreshing. It’s not preachy like so many “self-help” books (and god knows I’ve read truckloads of those useless things). Maybe if you priced it at $238 the therapists would buy it;-)

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