Feeling Responsible for Reactions and Outcomes



talking blame and responsibility for others
the depth of misplaced responsibility

I want peace on earth. I want peace in emerging from broken and before that I wanted peace in my family. I had been raised to believe that I was responsible for peace in my family or at the very least my actions either contributed to the peace or destroyed it.

As a child I was taught that there would be peace if I didn’t upset anyone.  I was taught that if I complied and if I did what was expected of me; if I was quiet and polite and if I didn’t stand up for anything that went against what the adult in the situation deemed the “right way” to do things, that I would be loved and accepted. 

My mother was fragile. She was prone to depressions and what she called nervous breakdowns. She made it very clear all of my childhood that if I upset her, she would have a “breakdown”. My mother ended up in the hospital when I was little with what was called “a nervous breakdown” back then. I am sure that this event had a major effect on me and that it settled somewhere in my belief system and added to my beliefs that if I upset someone they may end up in the hospital and everyone knows that people die in hospitals. Not only does a little mind wander all the way to “death” but think about the fear of abandonment and all that that implies. I could not survive without my mother. She was the source of all my basic needs.

And I was abused while she was away. So that added to the fear factor in my frame of reference about what happens when Mommy has a mental health breakdown.

Thoughts like “what would happen if my mother had a mental health breakdown and could never come home?” are not always conscious.  Well I didn’t want to find out what would happen; I had enough information already, so I tried my hardest not to upset her. She reinforced my fear of upsetting her by reminding me all the time of how fragile she was.  I can still hear her voice; “stop it Darlene. Stop pushing me. (Stop whatever it was we were doing that was upsetting her.)  Stop it or I will have a breakdown”.  And when I got older she told said “Stop it Darlene, Stop pushing me” whenever I wanted to defend myself or if I wanted to talk about the past. I never got to say anything that needed to be said in order for me to have value as an individual. I never got to have a side in anything. It was too dangerous; she might have a mental health breakdown and kill herself and it would be MY fault and on MY head forever.

Ultimately I believed that I would be responsible for her failure to cope as well as then my own failures and the demise of my entire family.

I can still remember my grandmother saying similar things and I remember my mother telling me that her mother threatened her with the same thing.  “Stop it, just stop talking about it or I will have a hissy fit”.  She had learned the same things from her mother that she taught me. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t mess with the consequences. Then when my mother grew up, she finally got her say ~ she got all her accusations or opinions in against me but I was not permitted to respond in case it rocked HER boat.

By the time I was a young adult, I had efficiently learned that I could not and should not tell my mother or ask her to face anything that she didn’t want to hear. I did not want to be responsible for her mental health breakdown. Even as an adult I was afraid of the consequences; that I would be to blame if she went back into her deep depression and worse than that I was afraid that I would be responsible if she committed suicide.

I was afraid that if my mother had a break down it would be my fault. She said it would be my fault.  She taught me that her mental health was MY responsibility. And I believed it.  That is why when she tore a strip off me when I was just out of the hospital with my newborn daughter, I took it. I sat there and took it although I had long since forgotten why I would sit through her accusations and judgements of me.  The conditioning to fear the consequences of standing up to someone had become so deeply ingrained that I just reacted with silence and compliance without even thinking about why. 

It was happening on my blog too.  Some of the comments were triggering my mother’s voice begging me to stop saying what needed to be said. I wanted to be the voice of peace, love and understanding.

I wanted everyone to feel safe even if it meant that the truth would be sacrificed. I didn’t want to upset anyone. I was afraid that I would be abandoned and rejected if the truth that they heard hurt too much. I would sometimes hear my mother’s voice…. “stop it Darlene. Stop pushing me or I will fall apart.” And the (unheard) message that always meant “I will fall apart and it will be YOUR FAULT”   My mother’s voice was still operating to dictate my actions and reactions to some of the comments and commenter’s in my website.

And I forgot how much the truth hurt in my own process and how valuable it was in spite of that pain.

PEACE and harmony do not always go hand in hand with the truth.  There have been many times in my process of healing and personal growth where the truth made me very angry and many times when I rejected it because it hurt too much.  Looking back many seeds were planted that I rejected and rebelled against at first. That is just part of the process. I am glad that I didn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. I am glad that I was (and still am) willing to persist seeking my recovery even when it scares the living daylights out of me.  

I had to learn that sometimes the truth hurts but in the end it heals; if I had successfully avoided the truth I would not be where I am today; NOR would I have the message that I have to deliver. I had to reaffirm that I did not heal from my past when the truth was sugar coated for me and no one contributed to my healing by covering up their truth. 

I had to realize that my mother’s voice was still interfering with my life (and in this case with my message) in a harmful way and in realizing this I have achieved another level of personal growth.

Please Note: It is important to remember that I had to learn the real truth first. Many people hurt me with their voice and their lies; there was a lot of sorting out to do before I figured out the real truth but when I did I began to soar, thrive and flourish.

Please share your thoughts with me and the readership here.  The comment discussions are always very good and insightful. I share my healing for the benefit of your healing.

Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time

Darlene Ouimet

Founder of Emerging from Broken

Related Posts ~ My mother doesn’t love me and the process of grieving

60 response to "Feeling Responsible for Reactions and Outcomes"

  1. By: Dianne Couts Posted: 13th November 2013

    Thanks, Darlene. Your story is similar to mine. Mom had nervous breakdowns and Dad depended on me, the oldest and the only daughter, to be the little mom in the house for my three brothers during those times. I have lived my life being everyone’s mom – at work and in our extended family. It is exhausting! Thanks for bringing things into focus for me.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th November 2013

      Hi Dianne
      Welcome to EFB ~ I got so much energy when I took my life back from all that! Healing is beyond anything that I could have ever imagined!
      hugs, Darlene

  2. By: Nadia Posted: 13th November 2013

    I’m sorry Darlene…I’m half asleep …I called you Terry…I haven’t had my second cup yet. My apologies.

  3. By: Nadia Posted: 13th November 2013

    Good Morning to everyone.
    Darlene, you just wrote about me and countless others I’m sure. My mother could blast me at any given time or place, but when it came to me confronting her, it had to be in the gentlest way possible because it may break her into a million pieces. I would choose my words carefully, so I wouldn’t be too harsh. I would write letters so I wouldn’t have to actually confront her in person. It never helped. The gentle words on paper or coming from me personally, still brought out the victim in her and same reaction all the time. She couldn’t take it and I had to stop talking. I remember a time when I was pregnant with my 3rd child. My brother and. I decided to have an intervention for her and my Dad. She couldn’t take it so she went into the other room, grabbed and iron and started hitting herself over the head with it.
    It was nuts. This last time, I was at her home and I refused to leave because I wanted to talk about it. No way. She didn’t want to deal with it. And people ask me how I could abandon my family….I’m not punishing her…I’m protecting myself from losing my mind and my husband and children.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th November 2013

      Hi Nadia!
      No worries, I changed it for you!
      Yes, I can totally relate to your comments. The ‘abusive person’ presents themselves as the victim and for some crazy reason they very often get everyone to believe it! It is nuts! Taking my life back meant validating that I deserved to have one, and to be an individual with equal value to all others esp. to my parents. What changed was the way that I understood “survival”! (just as you said in the end of your comments)
      hugs, Darlene

  4. By: Shary Hauber Posted: 13th November 2013

    Emerging from Broken has been a big help to me since the beginning. I am so glad so many have found this site. I see it shared many places.

    Learning the truth I have found is not instantaneous but a process. It often has to be dug out of all the lies. But truth sets us free.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th November 2013

      Hi Shary
      Thanks for sharing. It’s so true about the process of healing. I always say that the key to the present is in the past. It might take some digging but wow it is so worth it!
      hugs, Darlene

  5. By: Lynne Joyce Posted: 14th November 2012

    I could have written much of this myself. My mother was always ‘bad with her nerves’ and I was made to feel responsible. Her favourite opening sentence to me was “If it hadn’t been for you…….” I was never parented by my parents but expected to look after myself and to look after them too, always blamed for any disharmony and punished in a million subtle and unsubtle ways. Recovering from the damage that does takes a long time and a great deal of courage, not least in facing up to the fact that you were not loved.

    My father is long dead now but my mother is transformed in age only. She was a malicious young bitch. She is now a malicious old bitch, still trying to make me take responsibility that is rightfully hers and still employing the same old punishing tricks. The only difference now is that I no longer have any emotional attachment to her.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th November 2012

      Hi Lynne
      Welcome to Emerging from Broken
      Isn’t it sad that more often than not, age is the only change.
      Hugs, Darlene

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th November 2012

      Hi Everyone!
      I have published a new post using a quote about narcissism and narcisists from the mayo clinic that sheds some light on why victims of abuse so often question if they are actually the problem (as we have all been told we are). I look forward to the discussion!
      “Survival Mode and an Alternate view of Narcissism”
      hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Jane Posted: 13th November 2012

    Hi Darlene,I could hear her breathing heavy as she came down the hallway. She stopped at my bedroom door,my mother would stare me down. She screamed at me I had no choice but to wake up,it was like 5 in morning. My sister stayed out all night and some how it was my fault that she never came home. My brother got high at a concert that we went to with a bunch of friends. He came home stoned and my mother came directly to me and asked what did you do to him what is wrong with him,my brother is older then me and I had nothing to do with his getting high. But she wouldn’t hear of it. My mother would throw temper tantrums she hated to clean so while she went to bingo during the day I cleaned the house by myself so that my father wouldn’t get upset when he got home. She always went to bingo she said it was therapy for her, she didn’t have to think about anything when she was there. I never understood what she meant by that. Until I remembered the abuse. She went to gamble to forget about all the awful things she had done to me. She never talked to me,she only yelled at me. I lived in that house with her for 23 years and we never had one decent,loving conversation. I don’t want a replacement mother. If anything I want to be able to nurture myself. My mother played me every chance she could, her problems became my problems and she put the entire families problems on my shoulders too. Talk about guilt and shame. Withdrawing and panic attacks became a way of life for me. She attacked I withdrew, I always ran to my room or anywhere she wasn’t. I’m learning little by little that I am not responsible for other peoples actions. I don’t talk to my mother anymore and I believe she is okay with that because she does talk to my other siblings and they never tell me that she asks about me or that she misses me or that she loves me. Which I have accepted that this will be how it is. Hugs Jane

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th November 2012

      Hi Jane
      What a horrible way to have been raised! I am so sorry Jane. This site is about learning to fill that void and nurture the self. The guilt and shame was never yours.
      Hugs, Darlene

  7. By: Pam Posted: 12th November 2012

    your comment….I took it. I sat there and took it although I had long since forgotten why I would sit through her accusations and judgements of me… really hit me between the eyes. I ask myself that question only about every time I remember yet another incident where I should have stood up and told her to shut up and go to hell. Any other person that talked to me the way my mother did would have been booted out of my house and out of my life. But…I just took it. All the nasty, hateful, judgmental, mean, vicious things she said about me. She has left me a legacy of hurt and pain that most days I don’t know if I am strong enough to over come. She made me feel little and stupid, ashamed of my thoughts and actions. She made me feel as if I were the most horrible child that ever lived. A look of the eyes, the raised eyebrows, the set of her pursed lips….still makes me shudder. I always was told to behave or mother would get one of her headaches…she still does this at age 82. I am over it all. Thankful to know from this website and people who post that maybe one day I can feel whole again.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th November 2012

      Hi Pam
      Wow. I hear you! That dripping judgement, that whole attitude ~ and all those looks defined me; they communicated to me how much of a pain in the butt that I was and I believed it! Her mother was the same way. I remember wondering one time why my mother took it from her mother and I didn’t even see that my mother did the same thing to me!
      Thanks for sharing!
      Hugs, Darlene

  8. By: Karenina Posted: 16th May 2012

    Mom: I wanna just get in my car and drive it right into the lake.
    me: (at 7,8,9,10 yrs) But, Mama, why?
    Mom: Ohhhh…(crying) If I told you you would want to get in that car with me….Ohhhh
    Me: what happened, Mama?
    Mom: I just don’t want to live anymore, (crying)
    me: Do you want some water? Some tissues?…Mama? mama?
    Mom: screams…no! I do not need anything! I do not need you either! Get outta here! Leave me in peace! Bwahahha sob sob, I just want to be left alone…
    Me: Mama?
    Mom: breaks into song “leave me alone, just leave me alone, just leave me alone, oh leave me, leave me alone”
    Me: some folks say some farm boy, up from Tennessee, taught it all to Ruby, then just let her be…(finishing the song she started…anything to try to calm her down)
    Mom: (spitefully) you little SHIT! (smack)

    Another day
    Mom: singing to herself in the kitchen “Librium, my Librium, I’d go insane without my Librium”

    Another day
    I thank God there has never been any mental problems in our family!

    Another day:

  9. By: joy Posted: 16th November 2011

    Darlene :am so sorry what you were held to as a child ..must have been something terrible growing up in that situation..So much was put on you.. the peace of the house ..your mom’s health.. what an awful thing…

    I didn’t have such honors.. I wasn’t told i could make anything right .. I made everything wrong. if anything wrong happened.. it was my fault.. was like the bad apple in the cart of good apples..

    Recently I was told that everything was good now that I wasn’t in their lives..

    It’s not easy growing up thinking one is responsible for the bad that happens..

    Luckily am not there any more.. but sadly I carry that feeling inside yet and am slowly trying to undo those bad recordings inside me. .that said I was cause for all the wrong done.

    Have nice evening.



  10. By: AnnaLyzza Posted: 16th November 2011

    Jessica, thanks for saying, “I made my body hurt and my soul felt good” – that is a cool way to look at excercise! I am overweight as well so your post is helpful for me to read! I’ve been in a bit of a funk since the weekend and my way of coping is to think and think and think about it, but maybe I should scrap that and just get my ass outside and go for a walk! It’s time I stopped over-exercising my brain and letting my body languish! Thanks!!

    Darlene, it occurs to me that with 67,000 readers, if you charged us all a yearly membership fee of $10 or $20 to enjoy the benefits of your time and perspective, that would be a substantial amount of money for you to support yourself with so you could continue providing this service. I for one would gladly pay that amount – as the benefits I have received in such a short time from this forum have been priceless!

    I know that you take donations, so here is my challenge to everyone else on the board – make a donation!!! Even if it’s only $5 or $10 or $20, let’s give something back to Darlene for all she’s done for us, and help her continue being able to do this for us! C’mon, all you 67,000 – let’s anty up!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th November 2011

      Thank you for posting the challenge to the readers to help support emerging from broken and my work. I did get a donation from someone who read your comment! I don’t think your comment was seen by many but you inspired me to mention my need for help in my new blog post which is actually about validation. I so often write about the need for self validation as though validation from others is not important but in fact, it is seeking validation from those who invalidated us in the first place or believing that if unless we ARE validated by everyone that will prove we are valid, that can be the problem. Being validated is a good thing and it comes in many ways. Hugs, Darlene

      Everyone ~ Here is my new post “Being Validated, Making a difference and the Ripple Effect”

  11. By: Jessica Posted: 15th November 2011

    Tonight I had my AHA moment! For some reason I got so tired of my “me” feelings I gave up and ran on the treadmill! I’m 240 lbs and I’m tired of being large. Tonight I think something kind of went berserk in my head and finally it all made sense. I ran on the treadmill thinking 1/2 way through that I did half and I did it good so I shouldn’t have to do anymore – unless I wanted to. And I didn’t. But I took it differently this time – one minute at a time so that I could focus. I did it! All 311.1 calories in 1/2 hour! I felt like I wanted to barf as well dizzy. It got me thinking though too. Normally every day my soul hurts while my body feels comfortable sitting around or doing chores or teaching my children. Tonight I made my body hurt (healthy and good way LOL) and my soul felt good! I packaged up everything mentally too which I wasn’t expecting. The parental rejection, the definitions, the thoughts, expectations, feelings, etc. Now I have a mental scenario where I am moving away from and rejecting the package. I’m sending it back to them and they can do what they want with it. I’m tired of feeling chained and backed down. I think something kind of snapped in there and I am seeing things a little differently. Thank you Darlene for your courage to help others… I don’t think I would have gotten here without a loving helpful kick in the right direction!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th November 2011

      Hi Jessica!
      This is great! Congratulations and thank you so much for sharing! You inspire me with this comment and I LOVE the imagery that you use here!
      Hugs, Darlene

  12. By: AnnaLyzza Posted: 15th November 2011


    Thanks for your post – you are right, you don’t have to pay for the negative choices of your family. And we don’t have to protect them either – I realize that I am still in a sense protecting my mother from the reality of how I have been affected by her. I still feel afraid to confront her honestly with that information. It’s funny, how we can be convinced that our parents’ needs are so much more important than our own. And how our bodies can try to shut us down when we start to go against our programming…

    Your post got me thinking…and I’m pretty sure that the trigger for the worst panic attacks I’ve had were because I was facing imminent potential conflict with my friend, when I was caught between my anger over the very inconsiderate way my friend was treating me vs. my programming to never be angry, always be nice, always be accommodating etc. I was caught between this intense urge to speak up for myself and express my frustration vs. the equally intense belief based on past experience/conditioning that to do so would only lead to disaster. And I felt such guilt for even being angry in the first place because they had been so generous to us in the start – how could I feel so much irritation at someone who was clearly so nice? I was like a pinball in a pinball machine, bouncing around between anger and guilt and appreciation and shame for not being more grateful to more anger…No wonder I felt so crappy.

    I’m thinking that the root of the panic attacks must have something to do with the act of “speaking out” and speaking up – as you’ve said, since you started to actually articulate your abuse you are getting panic attacks too. For me, I was so afraid that if I said the wrong thing then we would get evicted from the house, so I felt that my entire family’s safety was riding on my ability to hold myself together and keep my emotions contained. Ugh, that is so the story of my life! I’m seeing some other connections now to do with my husband’s family and my own family – I seem to end up in patterns where I am (or believe I am) dependent on people for help and support so I feel like I have no choice but to put up with their disrespect or boundary violations or whatever – I have to be thankful for what I’ve been given and shut the hell up about anything that is hurtful or abusive, or else. The same pattern applies to my church experience as well – be grateful, look for the good, and don’t even acknowledge anything negative or you’re being deceived by Satan and if you keep that up, you’ll be ejected from the church community. I have spent my entire life literally choking back my feelings and swallowing my anger or hurt or frustration or pain, because if I speak up and piss someone off or worse, offend someone and hurt their feelings, then I will be kicked out, cut off, and thrown out in the cold OR worse, have to deal with the guilt of hurting/disappointing/traumatizing people I care about. And for some reason I must believe that I can’t survive on my own. And for some reason I believe that carrying around my own pain and keeping quiet about it is better than ever hurting anyone else by subjecting them to my unedited feelings. Phew, this is kind of intense. I had no idea how much of this stuff I’m still carrying around and being affected by. It’s a lot to process.

    I can really see now how all this translates into the physical symptoms I get – the sick feeling in my stomach, the terrible acid reflux. I’m trying to choke something down that I really need to express and my body is showing me physically what I am doing emotionally.

    I didn’t realize I was still so scared of speaking up. I have done a lot of work inside myself to heal but I really have not done much by way of speaking up and asserting myself with my family or inlaws in a direct, self-affirming way. And I notice that I feel alot of anxiety about posting here – it feels good while I’m doing it but afterward I feel very anxious and worry that someone from my family will see this stuff and know it’s me and then I’ll have to explain why i would write such terrible things about them. Phew. This is a lot to think about, but I’m very grateful for the insights.

    Thanks Mimi and Robin and everyone else who has contributed to the discussion, for sharing your experiences and helping me get some clarity on this. : )

  13. By: Naomi Posted: 15th November 2011

    Darlene, I we all suffer in different ways with a pain that defies being put into words from something that robs us of what we feel we should have been, or could have been if only…. And I just love it when I see people as they start to awaken to who they really are and not the would have been or should have been or could have been but who they are in the present moment, facing the reality of the injustice and confronting the Truth head on. I saw that in what you posted. What helped me the most was to understand… understanding the process… understanding the purpose… understanding the value of it to my life … so that I could finally have the power to make informed decisions on the path of recovery and really begin living for the first time. I realized there had to be a “process” of recovery after hearing a rabbi compare life to learning how to ride a bicycle. You watch everyone else enjoying it but you don’t know how so you watch with envy, and sadness, and loneliness. One day it occurs to you that you could teach yourself how to ride and you try but fall injuring yourself, so you throw up your hands and go to your steps to watch with envy, sadness and loneliness. Then it occurs to you that if you continue to sit, you will always feel that way, so no matter how much it hurts to fail you are going to try and keep trying until you master it and so you do, then one day you realize your riding and enjoying the bicycle ride with everyone else, the envy, sadness, loneliness and even the wounds of learning have all vanished. I keep that image in mind because I know that life is filled with it’s ups and downs and some of those downs are horrendous, and the ups are far to few and too short until the skills for living are developed. What I learned is that even though as babes and children and even teens our life is often dictated, and our coping skills — some of which are very ineffective — are limited to what we see and experience, which we replicate… it is also true that the brain is not fully developed until we are into our 20’s and only then do we actually start thinking for ourselves. Then we accumulate some life experiences that give us perspective on the dysfunction we were raised in, and we begin to see the dysfunction within ourselves that we were taught in our formative years. The disparity between what we experienced and what perfection would have been like comes raging to the surface but masked: First it appears as denial an inability to accept the reality of the situation and what we want whether it is a perfect Mom, Dad or Husband seems to us to be possible if only we did a certain thing or acted in a certain way… and we don’t realize it but those methods we are using to try to “fix” the relationship are the same methods we used our entire life because that is all we know about coping. They didn’t work before and they still will not… and one day that occurs to us… It’s not working so then we try to negotiate it into being like “we” want it. We incorporate a few new strategies like not rewarding the bad behavior any longer, being honest and forth right with how it makes us feel… and of course we are still using lots of the old learned ineffective coping skills which are so ingrained that they are more than habitual, but are actually part of our own true nature… and you might think that this is a time when anger emerges and you will notice it rearing it’s head from time to time but it’s not the real anger over the injustice of it but rather it is a reflection of the pain of rejection and the pain of not being valued as a person …. and it’s as if in this stage we are blind to our own value as a person because this awakening that is going on is from the history of being what someone else projected on to us… verses the reality of who we really are…. The next stage is the rage of anger…. anger over the actual reality… it’s the result of Newton’s 3rd law of motion “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” All the cruelty we experienced is pressing to exert it’s self in a rebound affect. And here is the point where there is a true opportunity to start living. If I throw a ball at a wall, it’s going to bounce straight back at me. If I get angry with someone, they go on the defensive and rebound with an even greater furosity. If I don’t throw the ball, I’m just stuck. If I continue to act kindly repressing my feelings, then I give the other person permission to continue acting negatively towards me and I get stuck. BUT if I realize that the anger is just energy … energy I can use to tear down or energy I can use to build up and do something constructive with, then I can defer it, much like bouncing a pool ball off a wall to hit another ball into the pocket… then I can redirect the energy… Now that part makes sense on a purely logical level but at the heart level it would mean letting go of justice and expectations… If your mother didn’t matter to you, the pain would vanish …. You will never change your mother, she is who she is. You are free to love her because she is your mother but you have no control over her response to you… so you can love her up close where she can continually injure you with her apathy or you can love her from a distance because she is toxic and you can stay safe. You can hate the evil she has done, while at the same time appreciating the fact that she did not abort you, the priceless being God chose to create out of the matter at His disposal. Forgiveness is NOT saying the evil perpetrated is ok. Forgiveness is letting go of the expectations that anything could ever be different and letting God deal with her because He was her creator, so that you can get off the steps and back on the bike of life to enjoy it, discovering what your own purpose in this world is. The purpose God created you for was not to get all hung up on this woman’s treatment of you. She is simply a part of your history, a history you might draw from freely as you see how you can help others out of those experiences, but she is not your future. She is part of your past and I would bury her there so she is dis-empowered from destroying your future. When you arrive at this point, you can then progress to the next level of acceptance which involves both the active constant awareness of what you allow your mind to think on and what you reject and refuse to allow into your brain because it must be trained (not retrained but trained) to think correctly in a way that over rides the dysfunctional way of thinking you were taught in youth. Instead of allowing the awareness of sadness or anger or negative feeling to persist in the mind, you shove it out at the moment you become actively aware of it, and focus on the smell of the air or the sweet lulling rhythm of just breathing. Your a spirit having a human experience so in that moment become totally aware of what it is like to breath move and just observe, whether that is a plant in the window seal, a bird soaring in the air or traffic rhytmically moving up and down the street and as you become aware of this you will notice a sense of joy just below the surface… tap into it… it takes practice but eventually that will be the primary sensation you will experience instead of the pain of the past. In the same way that you become aware of these moments of joy that grow with each successive practice, you will also become aware of your own purpose whether it’s developing a career, starting a charity, painting, writing a book, etc… When God created you, He created you with a purpose in mind… Newton’s 3rd law comes back into effect For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, also called Karma or Biblically You reap what you sow or as Granny said, what goes around comes around…. but whatever your purpose is, its to be used to help others with, so that whatever you put into motion will come back to you… So you throw your bread upon the waters of life and allow the sweet waves to carry it back to you by giving purpose to all the energy you feel redirecting the anger into acquiring what you both want and need… If you really want a mom and your mom just isn’t it, then go find another one, because there are plenty of us mothers out there who love adding another person to our families and the nice thing about that is, that you become chosen… chosen for who you are… valued for who you are… So Darlene, maybe your mom never values you but I do and I’m so glad God created you, so glad you are my friend (((HUGS)))

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th November 2011

      Are you directing your comments to me?? I think you have completely misunderstood both me and my message. I would also guess that you have not read my blog before. I have never written about wanting to change my mother and I am well into living in my purpose ~ that is what I am doing with my work here in this website maintaining a growing readership of 67,000 readers monthly.

      You write as though you only read the title of the post and you made all sorts of judgements and drew conclusions about me.

      As for addressing this stuff to the other readers, although some of what you say here works, some of it is just more confusion and could be regarded as adding more guilt to what readers are dealing with already. I am not even sure how to respond.
      Hugs, Darlene

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