Exposing the Belief System ~ Coming out of the fog


Continued from my previous post, “The Beginning~Emerging from Broken

Once I began to realize the beliefs that were at the core of my belief system, I was able to start to understand that they were not actual truth. Once I realized this, I was able to take a look at why they were not true, (or at least not true anymore) and then I was able to start the replacement process. Replacing the lies with the actual truth is a fairly long process, because in my case there were so many lies I believed about myself and each new thing I encountered on the other side of the fog, was something that I had to look at through my new lens of truth.

Take this blog for instance. I had another blog several years ago. I wrote about the same message that I write about in this blog but I did not do anything to publicise it. I didn’t post my links on Facebook. I didn’t use key words or tag the posts so that I might be found by search engines. I was afraid that someone would actually read it! I put the URL in my email signature and I deleted it before I sent each email. I had little confidence in myself, and I certainly was afraid to own my message. This is a common problem for those of us who have a faulty belief system; our self esteem and confidence is compromised as we are told in so many ways that we or our feelings are wrong, and in many ways told that we don’t really know ourselves.

I was also afraid that my parents would read the blog and get mad at me. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings but deep down my fear was more about the fear of losing them. It was as though I had to pick between my truth and having them in my life. Somehow I believed that I could not live without them if they rejected me. I think that belief comes from childhood where it is in fact true and we carry that false truth with us well into adulthood. Another reason that I was afraid my Mother would read the blog was because she had threatened to take legal action if I wrote a book. (Why she thought that my book would be about her in the first place is an interesting observation in itself, although that is another story for another day.) Deep down I was afraid that my new truth was somehow wrong and on a slight level still believed that the way I was treated and devalued as a child was my own fault, that I was indeed still valueless and that I was a high maintenance and emotionally unstable person.  All these things kept me from sharing that other blog with anyone except for a few close friends.

I could not own my message because I still believed that I was not really as valuable as I thought I might be. My old belief system was still operating in that department. I was sure that others would think me vain if I were to write with such conviction. I was sure that they would sneer at me and say “who does she think she is, with that crazy message? It’s ridiculous.” Although on a conscious level I knew that my message of wholeness and freedom was valid, important and exactly what people wanted to hear, on a subconscious level, where my belief system operated, I thought it wasn’t valid. Below the surface of my mind there was a war going on!

I kept pursuing wholeness and freedom from the false truths in my belief system and I kept working on replacing the lies in my mind with the truth. When I started speaking in mental health seminars, and realized the impact that I was having on the people in those seminars, it helped me to accept that there were a lot of people who really liked my message and welcomed hearing it. Eventually I was able to unveil the war going on inside of me, and start to set it straight.

Fight the fog! Love Darlene

The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing


41 response to "Exposing the Belief System ~ Coming out of the fog"

  1. By: Sherrie Posted: 7th March 2013

    I am new to the site, but wanted to say thank you to everyone who shares their experiences. It has been such a huge help to me and my inner war. I never knew why I seemed to fail at everything, even though I knew that I have never put my all into anything. I am so afraid of speaking out to other people about my childhood, and all of the lies I was told about myself. I find myself becoming so angry that my life was stolen and wasted, and for what. What did my mother get from it all, a temporary fix? I recently exposed, privately to myself, several lies. As I discover them, I keep them in a list on my password protected laptop. The one that hurts the most is that I have never heard the sound of my own laughter. All of my expressions had to be in the confines of her approval, including laughter. I was criticized once for laughing differently than I had before, that it was fake. I never laughed out loud again. That was close to 40 years ago. Within the search for me, finding my laughter is one of my biggest priorities, along with any true expression of myself, in spite of the ridicule and criticism I still receive.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 8th March 2013

      Hi Sherrie
      Welcome to EFB
      For me anger was a valid and necessary part of the healing process. I totally understand what you are sharing about laughter ~ I have found the real me and I set myself free from the oppression of what happened to me. I am glad you are here. Thanks for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

  2. By: Kelly Posted: 16th March 2012

    When you finally started to get out of the fog you said you kept pushing forward, what did you do to get to the place of wholeness. How did you change your subconscious mind when consiously you don’t know what what is in the subconscious mind?

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th March 2012

      Hi Kelly
      Thats a great question and one of the hardest things I do here is to try and to explain HOW I did that, because you are right, I didn’t know what had to change for so long. So I started by looking at the earliest trauma or uncomfortable memory I had and I started to look at it in detail. And it was by looking at what I “thought” was the truth about ME because of those events. I asked myself it those beliefs made sense or not. for example, I asked myself If I could have actually “done something” to deserve that to have happened to me. I thought that I could have prevented it… I dug deep to try and figure out HOW I could have prevented it. I had answers too, but they were burried deep down. The answers, once I wrote them out, made NO sense. Like I thought I could have “fought the person off” when I was 2 and 4) I was so angry at myself for things that made no sense but I didn’t realize even that much. Once I got started on this way of looking at things, it got a lot easier to keep digging.
      Hope that helps.
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Drained Posted: 16th March 2012

    SMD – That’s a perfect analogy. We all need that armor to protect us from those poison arrows. Good luck to you.

    I agree with Kelly’s post. Emerging From Broken has helped start the healing process in so many ways. I think it helps validate those confused, negative and mixed messages we have floating around our heads from all that bad programming we grew up with from a controlling parent(s). It’s a lot of hard work to overcome a lifetime of bad-programming from our upbringing, but at least now we have the hope to overcome it, and that’s a great start. Then we can use the coping tools that Darlene has found to help conquer this negative existence. Thank you from me too, Darlene.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th March 2012

      Thank you for your note Drained
      I really appreciate it.
      Hugs, Darlene

  4. By: SMD Posted: 15th March 2012

    Hi Drained,

    Thanks for your support!…I’ve been told I have “tenacity” and a strong will. That trait has probably helped me to move forward in my life and to get stuck. Yes, I’m careful about getting hooked into my mom being nice. It usually doesn’t last long, until her next dig/put down. Anyway, I’m building armor to keep the poison arrows away….it’s a work in progress & a slow one at that…

  5. By: Kelly Posted: 15th March 2012

    First I want to thank you for your courage Darlene, from the bottom of my heart. Your blogs have helped me beyond belief, finally I know I am not alone in my inner turmoil and for the first time in my entire life, you have given me hope. I have done nothing but endure life, now I am working earnestly to live a life of freedon and wholeness. Boy I do have to admit that this journey has been the hardest work I have ever done, it sure is not easy, but I honestly believe I am worth it. (that is a first!!!) You are a true gift to so many who are suffering, thank you.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th March 2012

      Hi Kelly
      Welcome and thank you for your lovely note. This is my deepest wish ~ to inspire hope!
      Hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Drained Posted: 14th March 2012

    SMD – I admire your tenacity! Stay strong and don’t fall for that “being nice” routine. Very typical behavior when they see you’re feeling stronger and more confident. Then when you start to soften towards them (we sensitive sorts do that) they hook you and reel you right back in to the old “cage” they put you in years ago.

    My mother is quite old now, yet even through her fog of dementia, she still “remembers” to put me down and get in those jabs… sometimes I think it’s what keeps her going.

  7. By: SMD Posted: 14th March 2012

    Hi Drained!

    Wow!…I can also relate so much to what you said, “I’m only beginning to come to terms with so many issues I’ve dealt with having been raised by a controlling mother and my ongoing dealings with her well into my middle-age”…I’m still dealing with my mom’s antics, along with other family members, and I’m 43. I’ve put up with so much grief over the years, but in the last 4 years, I’ve remained strong in keeping boundaries, limits & no contact with certain family members. They are all toxic/negative people. I don’t feel brainwashed anymore, but I struggle in breaking all ties.

    It’s going to take time to cut ties and when I think I’m ready, my mom tries to hook me back in, by being nice. I’m clearly seeing more of my mom’s pathetic ways of manipulating my feelings. What I’m struggling to face is what is holding me back from breaking my ties. Darlene’s posts speak to the false belief system my family taught me and I’ve started to dig deep into the roots of the dysfunction. It’s emotionally draining and exciting at the same time. I’m learning to trust my feelings & thoughts and I do feel better!

  8. By: Destiny Rose Posted: 14th March 2012

    Hi Darlene: this is just what I needed to read this evening!! I have a blog that I started a year ago and I am still writing in that one but along the way I have left out the majority of my story. I just started a new blog and at first I was doing it under a pen name, afraid to do it as myself! But I hate secrets and so that didn’t last long at all. But the more I post about the truths of my story and what I lived… I am so tempted to delete it all and run for cover. Your post here really speaks to my heart tonight and I feel that I really need to look at the lies in my belief system that are working to prevent me from writing this blog. Thanks so much for sharing!!
    Destiny Rose

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th March 2012

      Hi Destiny Rose
      I learned a lot about the lies etc. by taking a deep look at where those fears had their roots! It was a huge part of my growth. I was actually stunned to realize what those fears were and how long I had to reassure myself that I was not “that kid” anymore and that most of my fears were things that I could take care of now.
      Glad you are here!
      Hugs, Darlene

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