Emotional Healing by Understanding Psychological Abuse

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emotional recovery from psychological abuse
there is peace when the fog lifts

Every day I realize more and more that if the world is going to change at all, it is going to change through the emotional healing of the victims. I think that victims of emotional abuse and all the other forms of abuse that stem from emotional and psychological abuse including sexual abuse, domestic violence and spiritual abuse, make up the majority of the people in the world.  We have a voice; it is time to take our voices back, to heal and to take our lives back. Abusers can only be truly stopped when victims heal. When the people that they have hurt, realize the truth and realize that we can overcome the pain, oppression and rejection we have lived with and finally take a stand against it in our own lives. When victims emotionally heal, we are strong enough to stand up to the abuse and we are no longer fooled by subtle manipulation. There will be a ripple effect and we will raise our own children differently then we ourselves were raised, and the abusers will lose some of their power because the psychological abuse, lies and manipulation highlighted in the points below, won’t work the same anymore.

~ Abusers and controllers run the show;

~ They insist on and instigate cover ups, communicating that loyalty and respect is “not talking”

~ Emotional abusers misuse their power in order to get what they want and to have things the way they want them.

~ They misrepresent “right from wrong” teaching false truth out of the desire to control

~ Psychological abusers teach that submission, compliance and obedience are love

~ The power they exert over you is “for your own good”

~ They don’t respect or encourage individuality because that would limit their control

~ Psychololgical abusers demand that we don’t question them and teach that doing so is disrespectful  

~ They are always right, they know best

~ They demand that their authority is respected, but they don’t model respect

~ Emotional abusers teach that we have NO value outside the value THEY give us.

~ They do not live by their own teachings and values, rules, or standards

~ Psychological abusers do not live by their own definitions of “respect” “love” or “truth”

And the minute I made “a mistake” or did something that the abuser or controller decided was “wrong”, they declare that they now have “the proof” that I am a failure, a liar, crazy, a misfit, just as they said I was all along. They will often do this publically, twisting the truth and making sure that others agree that I am is the crazy one. Always making sure that the blame never falls on them. This is a very big part of how psychological abuse works.

They taught me and shaped me; mistreated and devalued me, all of which broke me. Then they rejected me because I was broken.

Labeled by their psychologically abusive actions as not good enough, not lovable, not the way that “they” wanted me to be.  A disappointment. A failure. In convincing me that I am responsible for the results in our relationship they can make it my own fault that I am not lovable or good enough. And it is easy to do because the training starts young. I was even more compliant because I was constantly trying to prove that it wasn’t me! I had become so confused in believing that I wasn’t’ good enough and so brainwashed that I believed that unless they agreed that I was worth it, and validated that I was worth loving, then I wasn’t.  They defined me in the first place and I didn’t realize that it was up to me to take my identity back, to redefine myself by deciding that they were wrong about who they convinced me that I was. I didn’t even know I could define myself because I was so lost in the fog that they encased me in. And I doubted that I had the strength to take my life back when I found out that emotional healing was possible and that part of the solution was in taking a stand against being falsely defined. I had to find the real me and a big part of how I did that was in first realizing that I was not who they said I was.

They kept me in the spin. Psychological abusers have to keep us in a spin because if we break through the fog for one second, we might realize that they are wrong. They know we just might recognize how pathetic they are so controllers and abusers quickly defer to a statement or event that proves their point, but that statement usually has nothing to do with the current situation and because psychological abusers create such a fog storm, victims rarely resist being led down the rabbit trail that the “proof or statement” is designed to take you down. We don’t resist because this conditioning begins at such a young age.

This description of emotional abuse and the abuse tactics used by controlling and manipulative emotional and psychologically abusive people apply to all people who desire to control others. These tactics are used by teachers, bosses, spouses, aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, and even siblings and are based on the abusers belief that the all people are not created equal. Abuse and control is made easier when the self esteem is damaged.

You are most welcome to share your feedback, stories, victories or pain with us.

Exposing truth in order to inspire emotional healing;

Darlene Ouimet 

 part two; highlighting some of the statements that controllers and abusers use to get their way.

Recommended reading: People of the Lie by M.Scott Peck (the hope for healing human evil)

Coping methods and trying to escape myself (with Discussion here on EFB)

Are you aware my of my e-book “Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing? If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, this 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to busting out of the fog and to healing. I’ve received hundreds of thank you notes from the people that have bought my book. Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

114 response to "Emotional Healing by Understanding Psychological Abuse"

  1. By: Light Posted: 21st March 2016

    In thinking about it, my brother did apologize to me a year or so ago, but I didn’t know what it was for because it was so general and I let it slip that it was “lame”. I regret saying that — I wish I had asked him for what was he apologizing. Maybe it could have brought some healing if I wasn’t so quick to be defensive. As the conversation progressed I told him the things that he had said (above post) and he denied it all and aggressively asked me how did I know that, did I use a tape recorder?

    S1988 — Thank you for commenting. It is a comfort just to not be alone with my thoughts. And I hear what you are saying about inconsistency…there has been a ton of inconsistency in my family (things said/word and deeds not matching, etc). I think inconsistency may be a hallmark of most dysfunctional families. I didn’t even realize just how inconsistent my experience was until my therapist mentioned it and I started seeing it more and more. As for changing my name, it’s something that’s been percolating for a few years now. I think it might help me with redefining myself.

  2. By: S1988 Posted: 21st March 2016

    Light,

    I think that you should severely limit contact with them. Truly caring people are kind to you practically all the time, not just when they feel like it. My brother sounds a bit like yours. He vituperated me when I condemned him for how he treated (and probably still treats) his sons, and he never apologized for it. (That was seven years ago.) The last time I saw him in person, he tried to prove his “rightness” on corporal punishment by speaking loudly that it’s okay as long as it’s “reasonable”, and that I was wrong to not have much contact with them once I moved out of my mother’s place. A few hours later, he told me that sometimes people had to make their own paths in life, which confused me. Wasn’t he just bashing me a few hours before? Jekyll/Hyde types are major phonies. My mother is also like this, too, which why it was hard for me to leave her, and I can’t help but wonder if phoniness plays a genetic role in my family. My sister is like this, too. She claims to be against abusers (like our father and others), yet protects and defends our mother and our brother. Remember, true friends don’t flip-flop between being cruel and nice.

    About changing your last name: I’m not sure if I would go that far myself, but you’re free to do so if you wish. Just because you were given a name at birth, it doesn’t mean you’re required to keep it for life.

  3. By: Light Posted: 21st March 2016

    P.S. Yes I did have outbursts, and estrangements, and didn’t treat my parents well at times. And yes, they have done some nice things for me over the years. I had few outlets for my feelings and was trying to cope with dysfunction I was in. I’m not proud of my behavior, but it was a contorted attempt at trying to find a way with them because I wasn’t ready to simply say goodbye and disengage. I stayed around trying to get them to apologize and understand and change.

  4. By: Light Posted: 21st March 2016

    I am finding it tough at this holiday time (Easter). It’s one of my favorite holidays. I was invited over to my mother’s home, where my brother will be, and he sent me a pleasant email to invite me. I have to admit I wanted to be invited, but at the same time want to turn it down. Very confusing emotions.

    My brother has been verbally violent with me in the past. As I’ve said to him, I find it hard to reconcile his friendly inclusive behavior with the ugly insults he’s hurled at me (“if dad is diddling around, so what”; “you’re just like George Bush calling everyone a terrorist”; “get help!”; “it’s your problem”; “you are self-delusional”; “you have a lot of work to do”; “stop beating up on mom and dad”; “I have friends who got the crap beaten out of them”.

    He is not interested in apologizing to me, nor learning more about my experience, or saying anything conciliatory. I have asked him flat out for this, and been very specific and direct with him about what’s bothering me. He has told me he “doesn’t want to engage with me in that way”.

    He can be kind, loving, and funny. But on this issue he is against me and that is so painful. He and my mom are allied. My sister and my mom are allied. My other brother is more checked out. My father was the perp, my mother wouldn’t stand with me in support or was inconsistent, and I’m alone on the outside. He, my mom, and my other brother simply DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT while my very being (the old me) slowly withered away from their silence and negativity. It kills me to not be there for the laughs, the longtime rituals and history, the comfort food, the familiar surroundings, the times when some family members can be nice. I think I am coming to the conclusion that it’s not worth it to go over. Not sure. Maybe I can compartmentalize…but how do I smile and laugh and chat with people who have been brutal towards me and continue to not validate and acknowledge what happened to me and don’t apologize?

    I am thinking of changing my last name.

    Any comments would be very appreciated.

  5. By: alone Posted: 20th March 2016

    What if you can’t get passed feeling like you are the problem? I have been told I am angry over a serious medical condition involving my children and I am taking out my anger on my family member. This is after a childhood of emotional and verbal abuse. I keep thinking they are right, that what I brought up as a problem was not really a big deal, and that my children and I are all too sensitive for being upset at the situation. I can’t begin to heal when I feel this tremendous guilt that I am the one who is wrong.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st March 2016

      Hi Alone,
      Welcome to EFB
      Just because someone says you are angry, doesn’t mean that they get to decide. Just because they say you or children are “too sensitive” doesn’t mean that is the truth. Just because you are told (in actions/words etc) that YOU are the problem, doesn’t mean that you are the problem. The guilt that we end up feeling is usually the result of someone putting a false conclusion on us.
      Hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Kat Posted: 1st March 2014

    Feeling pretty alone at the moment… Been having a rough time. 23 year old, been with my partner for over 3 years. We have a one year old together. He has random outburst of anger. Always telling me that I need to do something, go out make friends. But when I do make plans it boils into an argument. Putting me down saying I have no true friends as support. I’m starting to believe this as true now… Since my kid, all friends that I have ever known all of sudden have stopped talking to me. My family is far away, and connecting on an emotional level is not something we have ever done. When he gets angry he always throws in words like “you have nothing, I can send you out on the streets. You have no income, no where to go!” I have become so withdrawn. I don’t talk much anymore. My inspiration and desires are almost non existent. I feel as though I’m just floating through life as a ghost. I have never written anything like this.. Online or anything. Nor have I even told anyone.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 1st March 2014

      Hi Kat
      Welcome to Emerging from Broken
      It might be a good idea to seek help from outside. (like a shelter or social services) It isn’t right for one person to control the time of another person to that degree. I hope you will share often here and read more of the articles.
      hugs, Darlene

  7. By: Khalid Posted: 18th August 2013

    Thank You!! I’m 14 and my parents and brothers my grandma and even maid abuse me but when I think about the future how I will treat my kids well how I will break free from their abuse it makes me feel good. but sometimes I turn like them I just wanna see THEM sad but I control my self everyone thinks I will give up like my brothers even my school because they don’t give standard education but that dosent effect me one but I just study on websites become a member buy books. But you know I just wanna tell everybody that trying to ignore by means of songs and friends is really unhealthy It will make you crazy you must acknowledge this pain and go on.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 18th August 2013

      Hi Khalid
      Welcome to EFB~ It is rare to hear from someone so young! Keep studying and seeking the truth.
      Thank you for sharing
      hugs, Darlene

  8. By: sandra Posted: 15th August 2013

    Darlene, I have been reading your site throughtly for the last several days. See there is no anger in me, there never was any….not at my family at least. The only person I am angry at is myself. I feel that if I were stronger, my life would have been different. I know I had to grow up early, I never got a chance to be a real kid, a teenager etc. I did the best I could but…. What I need to learn is to forgive myself, especially for what I allowed to happen to me last year…. and this is sth I do not know how to do.

  9. By: sandra Posted: 15th August 2013

    Hi Darlene,

    Thank you for your comment.

    I thought I managed to heal by just getting up, dusting myself, forgetting and moving on at the age of 18.

    Apparently that was just avoiding the truth, surviving and RUNNING AWAY.
    I adapted that technique. I am not very good at being assertive or at confrontation. Below are some things about my behavior that a certain person drew my attention to when was 18/19. The funny thing is, it hit me just now…at the age of 26. Which means I kept behaving the very same way for the next 8 years until now.

    I kept running away but inside I stayed the same, even with people who were not abusive to me: constantly apologizing for everything (a lot of people would draw my attention to that actually: “stop apologizing for everything” they would say), constantly feeling that I had to defend myself, explain my choices, statements etc, often times riducule myself, be the “Clown” in the crowd because it was safer that way, it is better when you show to people who do not know that you can laugh at yourself before they start doing it (just in case). Oh, and the guilt, the constant feeling of guilt and the need to “make something up to someone” “appreciate somebody’s actions”.
    And worrying about what “others will think/ say” (who the f*** cares! As long as my actions and choices are not hurting anyone, no one should have a right to critisize me, unless they are Buddha themselves well maybe that I should take their opinion into consideration).

    People would think it was a part of my character, if you asked someone about me, no one would have ever guessed what I went through as a kid.
    If someone was nice to me, not to mention offered me even a minor favor, I’d always felt I had to return it, buy a gift afterwards, that simple “thanks” was not enough. I feel always uncomfortable when somebody does something for me out of a good heart. The moment I accept the offer instead of just being happy, my mind starts wondering how to return the favor. Or I just don’t accept it and do it myself.
    I start most of the sentences with “I don’t want you to think that I am, but….”. Also I do not want to “bother” anyone. (my frequent answer when someone offers me something, anything, an overnight stay, a ride back home etc)
    And apparently my signature one: “I do not want you to think that I am oversensitive but”. And indecisiveness…I never knew where that was coming from.
    How are you supposed to be good in business and climb the corporate ladder with an attitute like that? 🙂

    best wishes to you Darlene and everyone on this site

  10. By: sandra Posted: 14th August 2013

    Hi,
    Darlene, thank you for your wonderful site.

    I have recently turned 26. I was abused my my parents all my childhood. I swear to God, I was a kid every parent would dream of: positive, funny, loving, a good student, never took drugs or smoked cigarettes, teachers and other kids loved me. I come from a so- called good family ( a doctor and a teacher). I have an older sister but I was labeled as the bad one from the start. My story is literally a copy of yours. An evil (I cannot think of a different word) verbally and emotionally abusive, controling mother and an egg- shell- like father: passive, no balls, distant (running a double life since I was born, afraid to step up to my mother and divorce her, never ever defended me).

    My parents divorced when I was 14. Not because my father finally grew some balls but because his affair was finally revealed. I never blamed him for that, no other guy would be able to stand my mother. She was outraged when she found out. Naturally not because she loved him, but because he dared to cheat on her. ( how could you not? I dare to say their sex life was non existant, she was always negative, you could not possible please her). I had to watch many cruel scenes such as my mother stabbing my father with a knife in his arm. He was helpless….he could not do anything even in self- defence; she would call the police and accuse him of physical abuse.

    My sister (never stood up for me, just the contrary; she was always poking fun at me) moved away to college. I stayed all alone with my mother… I was begging my dad to take me with him as I was simply afraid to live with her alone. Unfortunatelly he refused (he married his long- term mistress when I was 17, I never got invited to the wedding as he was afraid my mom would turn up and ruin it). My life turned into hell. My mother’s rage was entirely focused on me (before it was 50% on me and 50% on my dad. I could not wait to get away from her house. (she could not either…. at least that’s what I was hearing very day). The last 2 years of high school I was severely depressed and anorexic. I could barely get out of bed. There were days when she would not speak to me at all. I preferred that than humiliation, diminishing, making fun of my looks etc. I think the reason I did my finals so well was because I knew that was the only way out. Once I graduated and got my driver’s license, I was out. I could not run fast enough. I enrolled in college just to get away from the house (I did not care about the major as she never let me do what I wanted, namely Art). I opened my own bank account which was driving her nuts as she had no control over the child support I was receiving from my dad. Unfortunatelly that did not work to my advantage either as my dad was becoming a real ass hole. He was paying as much child support as he wanted and when he wanted. He knew I would not step up to him in court as he knew all the lawyers in town, he knew I would not want to go through the whole struggle.

    Ok, I thought to myself: f**** it, I’m not going to live my life like that, there was no way for me to survive in college having that little money (ene though my dad had a good salary he won in court one of the lowest child support sums). I borrowed some cash from my sister and ran away to the States where I lived for almost 2,5 years (during that time I kept doing exchange programs to prolong my visa etc. I even finished one semester in college over there. Iwas so proud of myself.) I met some wondeful people and I started being myself! I fully recovered! At least that’s what I thought at a time. I put all the bad memories in the back of my head and pretended they did not exist. I cut off all my contact with both of my parents. My dad quit paying my child support right away even after I sent him a confirmation from college in the States. I was only in contact with my sister who moved to the UK and lives there until now.

    During my stay in the US, I met some really great people who later on offered me my first real job “back home”, in one of the major cities. Please keep in mind that I never managed to graduate from college. I know some people do it without any financial support from their parents either and I truly admire that but, unfortunatelly I did not make it.

    Anyways, I took the job that I was offered and I came back at the age of 21. It was a very good start. I also got into a relationship and stayed in it until I was 24. We were playing home I guess, we moved in quickly, I was thrilled to finally have someone who truly cared for me. (he played the role of my bf, my lover, my best friend, my parent even…. as unfortunatelly I never had much luck with female friends….4in1 if not more). After I returned I did one very bad move….my sister was pressuring me to get in touch with our mother which I did. I should have refused…anyways I went to her house, I felt so strong I almost forgot why I ran away from her house in the first place. I wanted to tell her about the job I got which was in a quite prestigous place (a bit of a Cindarella story) I wanted her to appreciate me. Of course that never happened, she suggested that I must have got that job because I slept with someone but at least she was not yelling. Anyways I decided to be in touch with her from time to time via phone and maybe visit her once a year. I picked her over my dad. I thought she could not hurt me anymore: I was independent, living with my boyfriend etc she had no control over me, I was filtering all the information so she knew virtually nothing concrete. So life went on, every now and than I would talk to her on the phone crying and throwing my cell phone afterwards, but other than that she could not hurt me. She even met my bf making an emberrassing scene (“I cannot believe how you can be with her, she is so skinny, she is so difficult, what do you see in her”-these are the words he heard from her.
    At the age of 24 when I came over to her house to say good bye as I was going abroad with my bf, she pushed me out of the house in fury. I decided I was not going to put up with it and would cut my ties off again..this time for good.

    Now…..4 months later….I split with my bf while abroad. I got a panic attack, I felt I had no one but him. It was an extremely scary situation. I did get back to him …but not out of the fear but also because I missed him as a friend. Also at the same time I had a number of job opportunities to pick from. I asked my sister for advice while back in my home country. She was staying at out mother’s place and said that if I wanted to speak with her I had to come over regardless. Which I naturally did. And now….CAN SB PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND from that very moment and for the next 12 months?
    For the first time in life I heard from my mom that I was smart and pretty ( I forgot what a good performer she was in front of my sister)….from that moment I became her puppet for a year. (other than those 2 words there was no less abuse everything was the same. I must have been crazy thristy for parental love….but wasn’t I a bit too old for that???) I wanted an advice in regards to my career not my personal life. I know it will be hard for you to believe but she MADE me break up with my bf for good, quit (not resign, quit! Who does that?! What kind of mother wants your kid to do that?) my dream job (could have been a real break through), and take the one I hated for the next 6 months (I eventually got fired). Than I got myself in an abusive relathionship with a male copy of my mother which lasted 5 months. My mom approved him very much and defended every time I called her (yes! i started calling her) and cried about the fact that he was an alcoholic, a snoring brute, that I could not sleep at his place, that he was verbally offending me etc). “I don’t blame him You can drive anyone insane”- that was her response.”You owe him. If you werea good person not as selfish as you are you would have tried to take him to AA meetings. If you move out, he will keep on drinking.” (how insane is that? A 25 year old girl forced to live with a 32 year old dude she barely knows….classic abuser…he was pressuring me to move in asap and did not want me to move out).

    Now if you are still reading my post I imagine you have already realized that my mother is not a nice person. Period. So I should have known better. The story I am telling you here is only 10% of my life but it is taking too much space on Darlene’s site anyways 🙂

    MY QUESTION TO YOU IS: how come an adult woman like me, who was strong enough to overcome all the obstacles and freed herself from an abusive family, who survived, has always been independent, self- sufficient, managed to find and keep wonderful jobs despite no formal college aducation, had a healthy romantic relationship, understood (at the age of 23 but better late than never) that she was actually a good looking woman and that she was being lied to all her life in terms of her looks,the only people who hurt her were her parents and her sister as she was mart enough to always trust her gut getting to know other people, how come I am asking you, that very woman at the age of 25 put herself a leash over her neck and started doing everything her mother wanted her to do, living against her will, acting against her instinct, knowing that all the things her mother was saying were aimed at hurting her and ruining her life, she simply could not help herself and kept being obedient, even started feeling guilty about the time she was not in touch with her mother and the time afterwards when she would rarely pick up the phone. Why would you want to make yourself miserable in order to please someone else? Not to mention someone who can never be pleased and has never done anything other than harm to you??

    I came back to my senses when I got out of my 2nd bf’s house (the abusive one), had no place to go, no job and no money. My ex-bf no1 is helping me tremendously now (regardless if we are gong to end up together or not, he is a keeper as a friend for sure, we are each other’s family and that’s what we vowed to ourselves. So why am I posting this here? Maybe to share my story with other survivors, TO ASK YOU TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND MYSElf. Because I am blaming myself for all this…how could I be so stupid? HOW COULD I LET HER AND THAT OTHER PIG HURT ME? HOW COULD I MISTREAT MYSELF LIKE THAT? I WAS WAY TOO OLD TO FALL FOR HER TRICKS, I WAS WAY TO OLD TO ACT CHILDISH AND LONG FOR LOVE I WOULD NEVER RECEIVE. 25 IS TOO OLD… PEople like that never change. It was a trap…. she had so much fun for a year playing with my feelings. I am done with her and considering cutting myself off from my sister as well. who refused to help me financially (she has no problems with money) when I asked her (I am literally penniless).
    This past year I also met with my father for the first time in 7 years (I do not know why I did it…maybe I wanted to totally destroy myself emotionally). And from that I found out that my sistaer (32, employed married, self- sufficient) keeps on receiving (and accepting) money from both my father and my mother…I was shocked, saddened, disappointed in the very last member of that “family” I had some faith in.

    I feel like I have aged 10 years both internally and externally. I am recovering after 5 moths of no REM sleep (is it even possible to reduce the pre- mature under eye wrinkles I got as a bonus?), and for the first time no excercise (I have always been jogging, doing yoga, leading a very healthy life style which was driving my mother nuts as well, I guess it is called jelousy, for the first time since high school, the guy no2 managed to get me into depression, I could not get out of bed). I feel like I am having PSTSD….is it possible? I keep on reliving the last 12 months….quiting my job (how emberassing!) working at a place I hated, letting the guy no 2 treat me like dirt. I feel angry. I feel angry at myself for being weak. For the first time she won. She broke my spirit. With some help from the guy no2. They turned me into a sad negative persob living in the past. This is not me. Where is the old me? Now on top of that, all the memories from my childhood are coming back as well. Things I literally managed to forget, the ones I put in the back of my head when I left at the age of 18.
    Please tell me that all of this will pass….that I did not miss my 5 min of fame in terms of my career, that I will become my old self again that I will be able to forget again and that it will not influence the rest of my life. EFB members: if any of you was patient enough to read my entire post, please feel free to comment. Sorry for all the typos.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th August 2013

      Hi Sandra
      Welcome to EFB ~
      Yes, PTSD is what it would be called. For me it passed when I did the healing work. I can tell you that there is hope for complete healing because that is what I achieved and that process is what I have written about in this site. I hope you will read more here!
      For me this was about healing in order to find a NEW me. The old me wasn’t really me, but rather who they defined me as, and how I survived my life up to the point when I could no longer cope that way and had to find a way to conquer!
      hugs, Darlene

  11. By: Tim Posted: 16th July 2013

    Fine, but where is the healing part?

    I acknowledge a lot of the stuff here and it’s presented in a way for simpler than I have been able to express it before, but I thought this was ‘healing’. What are ways to overcome being treated like this later in life?

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th July 2013

      Hi Tim
      Welcome to EFB
      It was in understanding the ways that I was broken down in the first place and the ways I was falsely defined, that I was able to understand my belief system and how it formed. It was through the insight that I share in this site that I was able to put an end to accepting the devaluing ways that I had always been treated. This whole site is about that process. I had to see how I got broken before I could emerge from it.
      hugs, Darlene

  12. By: Annie Posted: 15th February 2013

    Hi Lisa-

    I hope it’s a better day for you. I want you to know I can relate so much to what you are saying. After my last relationship ended a year ago I was hopeless and couldn’t trust anyone. I became so hyper-vigilant I even started to distrust my roommate…a friend who has been there for me and has treated me well for well over 15 years. I thought I would never trust again.

    Then I began to realize people don’t just get MY trust because they appear in my life. MY trust is special…just as yours is.

    It gets given when the person in question has earned it. And then there’s always yourself. Become your own best friend and you’ll never absolutely depend on someone else’s trust again. You’ll be there for you.

    It gets better. I hope you choose to stay.
    Hugs.

  13. By: Mac Aeron Posted: 14th February 2013

    Two years ago I survived losing my family to insanity. I survived. I made it through a year of doing everything possible to reconcile, to give her all she said she wanted only to have it all yanked out from inder me again. An attempted suicide days before xmas. Her new manipulater decreed She couldn’t see me anymore. I have gone on. Yet all this time later my inner self still needs to feel that there must have neen something I could have done differently. But I know she choose to allow her life and reality dictated by others. I know that when my guts say.. wait something isn’t right, then something isn’t right. I spent two years of studying compassionate communication. At first so that there could be a common language. I learned not only to have greater compassion for the soul that once was my wife, but for myself. The self that only felt a sense of worth by being needed. By helping others.
    I am alone this Valentine’s day. But I have someone in my life far greater and stronger than anyone I’ve ever known before. Me. I will not believe myself undeserving of love, or trust or consideration. I am far more than anyone ever said I could be. I expect the people I know to be able to tolerate the light of day shining in their life. Thats where I want to keep my life. In the light.
    Blessed be,
    Mac Aeron

  14. By: Lisa B Posted: 14th February 2013

    Darlene
    Thank you for being here.You & all the other contributors have had me transfixed.I have finally found the truth.It’s even available globally.I have been through 3 years of intense therapy,but I know I’m still REALLY struggling to live.I’m barely surviving.I actually wanted to leave this earth today,nobody knows except you now.I feel I can’t handle people,trust people,it’s too much.I have two beautiful children.Yes.The pain is that much I would’ve left them behind.I have had the task of breaking the cycle.I didn’t want my children to grow up hating me like I did my parents.My mother was the abuser,the father the perfect weak enabler.
    I think the work you do & just reading here from other contributors has saved my life tonight.That is the truth.
    And for that,Darlene,I thank you so much xxxx

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th February 2013

      Hi Lisa B
      Welcome to EFB ~ I am SO glad that you are here!
      I was at the end of my rope when I found the solution that I write about in this site. Learning to see things through a different grid (a way more truthful grid) has made all the difference and I can honestly say that I live a full life full of joy today. There is hope for overcoming!
      Hugs, Darlene

  15. By: TryingToHeal Posted: 9th January 2013

    OMG! I love this quote:

    “They taught me and shaped me; mistreated and devalued me, all of which broke me. Then they rejected me because I was broken.”

    Because I am early in my healing process, I could use this statement as a daily mantra:

    “They taught me and shaped me; mistreated and devalued me, all of which broke me. Then they rejected me because I was broken.”

    They broke me. They did break me. I didn’t ask for it or deserve it, but they most assuredly won’t fix me. It is up to me to heal. To heal the damage that was done. To protect that child who always felt so alone and unprotected. It’s up to me to let her know what a precious gift she was and that she deserves to have some joy in heart and in her soul. They took 52 years from her. Don’t let them have a minute more.

    Embrace the rejection of those who broke me. Embrace it, for it will lead you to the path of emotional healing.

    “They taught me and shaped me; mistreated and devalued me, all of which broke me. Then they rejected me because I was broken.”

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th January 2013

      Hi TryingtoHeal
      Sounds like you’ve had a breakthrough!!!
      Hugs, Darlene

  16. By: Angie B. Posted: 22nd June 2012

    Well my abuse came from the family members who talked about my actions in the third person, like my stupid air-head of a sister. I was told that I was going to die alone,by my other pmsing sister that no one would love me or care about me; with verbal manipulation by my oldest sister to then turn into a physical coercion by her too. that’s if I don’t want to follow her stupid advice or want to take her direction of her lame *** suggestions. I was manipulated and said many horrendous things by my families, teachers and people I trusted my friendship with. I don’t know if that a cultural thing, or just based on racial profiling. All I know is that sometimes I could feel so unloved because I would think like, who is going to love someone who is as damaged as me? I guess I put all of my broken piece of my life to therapy; because I’ve felt like a huge crutch to society these days. I’m feeling so low when I talk about this. Now though, my spirituality has grown to it’s greatest capacity. I don’t have to live with my abusive and believe none of her old hogwash from my mother anymore. I know that God is reserving them people for eternal destruction. And I’m good! I would like to work more with myself and recover with some feedback. I would appreciate that very much so thank you. I guess my sister is pretty much disturbed by knowing that she’s a sinner, and what she’s been doing to me is bringing her to her knees in remorse now…

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