Emerging from Broken ~ The Greatest Adventure is Healing

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Healing from child abuse
freedom ~ my grown son T.

I was not always who I am today. I was not strong. I was not independent. I was not an individual. I was not often happy. I was not a voice in the darkness and although I always had a desire to advocate for others, I was not effective.

I had to become effective in my own life before I was effective in the lives of others.

I was a victim. Some would rather I say that I was a survivor but in truth when I started this process I was still a victim. I was still a victim because I was still oppressed. I was still under the law of other people. I was still compliant and obedient. I was still defined by those other people and my true identity was suppressed.

I was lost, withdrawn and depressed. I was owned by many and disrespected by most.  I had three kids and when my oldest, who was 12 at the time started to treat me like I was ‘crazy’ and started using my depression as proof that I was crazy ~  just like his father (my husband) did, I knew that I had reached the end of what I could cope with. I was giving up on the fight for my life. The only decision that I had to make was how I was going to end it. I had to decide if I was going to escape, or if I was going to fight to find the solution one last time.

At first I had decided to leave my family. I thought that my husband and my three kids would be better off without me because I believed that I was the problem. I believed it deep down in my heart and soul because that was the message that I had always been given, all of my life and I never thought not to accept that message anymore.  The truth had been distorted for me since the beginning. I didn’t even question the truth as I knew it.  I believed the problem was “me” and I really believed that if I left my family, their lives would be so much easier; so much better.  I decided out of love for them that I should quietly go. But something nagged at me and today I know it was a glimmer of “the truth”.  It was NOT best for anyone if I were to just go.

I realized that for a very long time I learned to do what others wanted because I had been so totally convinced that what they wanted for me was ‘right’ because I had been so manipulated all my life. This was part of taking my life back from my oppressors. I started to look at what might be right for me. I started to think about what I might want and what was ‘best’ for me. I learned that most times “best” is best for everyone and not just best for me; it always comes down to the motive. What had happened to me most of my life was never best for me; it was just what someone else selfishly wanted.

As I started to look at HOW I had come to believe that the problem was me, I began to realize that I had been controlled and manipulated all my life by people who asked me to “try harder”. Trying harder was a default mode for me. As long as I believed I was the one that had to “try harder” I accepted that success in relationship and whether or not I was loved was all up to me.   

I write about “Emerging from Broken” from real experience. I lived functioning at a fraction of the level that I function at today. I survived living under the oppression and suppression of others. I survived by believing that if I did what “they” want and if I am who “they” want me to be, I would be loved. I was so brainwashed in victim mentality (that if I did what they wanted they would love me) that I could not see a solution other than leaving the world that I lived in.

I found a way to leave the world that I lived in by facing the damage that had been caused to me. I didn’t have to “go” anywhere. I literally stepped out of it by seeing how dysfunctional and harmful that it had been and still was.  I learned to validate my pain and declare that I had a right to my feelings, I had a right to my voice, I had been wronged and it WAS NOT my fault.   I finally owned my truth and discarded the lies that I had been encouraged to believe my entire life by realizing exactly what those lies were and how those lies were all designed by others who wanted to keep and maintain control over me. I learned to take care of myself emotionally.  I learned to love myself. And through all of this, I found myself. I found the original me and I embraced myself. I welcomed myself into a whole new world and a whole new existence.

I stayed with my husband and my children and we rebuilt our lives. I took the lead even though it was a fight for the first two years. No one in our home wanted anything to change but I wanted healing and I was willing to risk everything in order to obtain it. In my victim mentality I had actually taught my husband and kids to disregard my needs and even my opinions by disregarding them myself. They didn’t trust that I could model “emotional health”.

My husband had to do his own healing work and he did; I finally embraced the truth that it takes two to have a relationship and I was finally able to communicate that to him. I was no longer willing to carry the burden of relationship all by myself. We repaired the damage that had been done to us all of our lives and that we had in turn passed on by accepting and living in those false definitions of love. When our individual healing work was underway, we worked really hard to repair the damage and dysfunction in our marriage relationship and then in the relationships that we had with our three children.

Years have passed since I made the decision to face the pain and take my life back from the people who stole it from me. I live, really live each day now. Our three children have flourished living in the truth and without the oppression of the lies that we all used to live buried under.

Welcome to Emerging from Broken; the greatest and most rewarding adventure of my life. I look forward to meeting you on the journey from surviving to thriving.  

This article has been an emotional one for me to write. Tears sprang to my eyes several times; my determination to face the pain, acknowledge the damage, heal and take my life back surprised even me. I did not know that I had this amount of strength and persistence when I started this journey but today that is how I know that you can do it too.

As always, please share your thoughts.

There is freedom on the other side of broken,

Darlene Ouimet

And now you can read all about the foundation of the healing process all in one place! ~ The Emerging from Broken bookThe Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

81 response to "Emerging from Broken ~ The Greatest Adventure is Healing"

  1. By: Jamie Posted: 7th July 2014

    Thank you for repeating this message, that we are not stuck being who we were led to believe we were, playing a supporting role in THEIR lives. That we can become authentic and direct our own lives. Today was a wonderful day for me. I was able to go into a crowded public place with my kids and not freak out. A friend I was with pointed it out to me! I was able to get my kids giggling (no tickling involved, just relaxed enough to be silly). I can hear their laughter ringing in my ears and it feels wonderful. I needed to hear that I wasn’t cursed. Thanks so much!

  2. By: Katherine Posted: 11th October 2012

    Thanks Darlene, you have no idea what this means to me…

  3. By: Katherine Posted: 9th October 2012

    Thanks for the warm welcome Darlene. And thanks again for outing the dark lies many of us have unknowingly accepted as truth. im Looking foward to getting out of this invisible cell block, and finally feeling the sunshine and breathing fresh air ..unlabored(without panic attacks). I thought it was just to late to enjoy life again (im 40) now i realize that my dream of peace of mind and healthy mindset are not impossible.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th October 2012

      Katherine
      I thought it was too late too! I mourned the loss of my younger life and the loss of time; the loss of me. And that was good for a time, but then one day I realized HEY ~ I have the REST of my life! I am over 50 now and I still feel that way! I still have the rest of m life. I LIVE every day.
      Hugs, Darlene

  4. By: Katherine Posted: 9th October 2012

    I am speechless… I was desperately searching for a reason not to give up. Thank you.. Youve spelled my life out in the paragraphs above. I have struggled daily on my journey to figure out Why am i just so D*mn hard on myself? Why cant i get it? Why i try sooo hard? Why am i so extremely miserable if anyone around me is not happy? (even worse if what i try to do doesnt help them) Ive wanted to run away `or die (not really) but i felt that if i didnt exist they could be happier, less stressed. I feel as though i must earn my keep or PAY my way EVERYWHERE i go, even in my own home. it is as though i apologise for existing.. My husband and children notice. So do i. Thanks again, for the Ah-ha moment.Bless you.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 9th October 2012

      Hi Katherine
      Welcome to EFB ~ Yay for the breakthrough! In this site I try to share what I have learned about how I was held back by talking about the roots and how I exposed them to myself so that I could take a look at the false beliefs and set them back to the truth.
      So glad you are here!
      Hugs, Darlene

  5. By: D C Posted: 14th August 2012

    I don’t know how many years, months or days she or I have on this earth. MONTHS NOT MOTHS LOL LOL

  6. By: D C Posted: 14th August 2012

    The past few months have been very interesting. June was the worst.
    I don’t feel so hurt and angry anymore. Mom wants and needs attentionand will do anything to get it. I don’t spend much time with her……..I talk on the phone and see her when I feel like it. She has lessened the “Barging in on my time…..kitchen……life etc.

    I see her as a child that never really got what she wanted. In spite of the negativity, I can see when she is trying to manipulate or start a dramatic event/conflict. She has mellowed out quite a bit.
    I don’t know how many years, moths or days she or I have on this earth……I don’t feel guilty anymore…….I am who I am and like me or not I deserve respect….love…..and peace. I am fighting to hang on to any amount of peace that comes my way. If she wants turmoil and chaos so be it. The bullshit is not sticking to me or soiling my space anymore. Hallelujah Just keep on keepin on. And I am thanlful for the ways she trys to show me she care but I will not feel obligated or beholden to her or anyone…..Except GOD!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th August 2012

      Hi DC
      That is great, thanks for sharing.
      Hugs, Darlene

  7. By: Mimi Posted: 1st August 2012

    Teresa,
    I can look back at that post you’re speaking of, and see how much different I am even in this short amount of time.

    As of today, I am no contact with my mom. I have told her and my stepdad just a few days ago, that they should have no further reason to contact me. I haven’t heard from them since.

    A lot has happened in the past few months (since April), and the revelations just keep coming. So do the extremes ~ in my mother’s behavior and quest to squish me. I’m stronger now, and her BS doesn’t tend to affect me ~ at least if it does, it’s a fraction of what it once was. I’m beyond thankful for that!

    Hope to see you again!
    Love and Peace,
    Mimi

  8. By: Teresa Posted: 25th July 2012

    Mimi, I so connected with your first comments (dated April 15th)- feeling like I “have lost sight of my voice, my right to be heard, my value, etc.” when in their presence. I too “get mushy thank you’s” for showing up/attending family functions. Those mushy comments are to imply that I did this for someone other than myself – since “she” gave me a special invitation – my whole purpose must have been to please and honor her. She used those words to “prove” her power and control over me – to show those around us that I am her puppet. “I feel like her presence zaps my power. Like I’m attached as an appendage again. No individuality.” EXACTLY!
    I want a relationship and closeness with my family, but I must insist on healthy boundaries, acceptance of who I choose to be, and respect for MY beliefs without trying to suck me back into the ‘dictatorial cult’. I really don’t want to go back to where I was for the first 40 years of my life.
    We must stay strong and “diligent” in our quest.

  9. By: Drained Posted: 9th May 2012

    Diane, I vowed not to be like my mother who bossed, controlled, nagged and demanded things her way. My submissive father catered to her to keep the peace (and he drank a lot, too, hmmmmm, I wonder why…). Unfortunately, that backfired on me because my husband started to take advantage of me and little by little started getting more bossy, pushing it a little further to see how far he could go. I finally woke up and realized I was going too far to the opposite extreme in not wanting to be a demanding control-freak like my mother and ending up being too submissive! It’s finding that balance. It’s tough.

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